Why all these bloody questions?

PICTURE the scene in the local garda station:

Sergeant: It is my duty to warn you that if an analysis of this sample shows your blood alcohol level to be above the legal limit, a prosecution will certainly follow.

Mr A: Yeah.

(Mr A is about to leave when a garda walks briskly into the room and whispers in the sergeant’s ear).

Sergeant: Just a minute, sir, what can you tell us about the dead body?

Mr A: What dead body?

Sergeant: The dead body lying on the floor in the back of your car.

Mr A: Now wait a minute. Why was I brought in here?

Sergeant: That doesn’t matter now. I am asking you about the dead body

Mr A: Just a minute, I was brought in here because I failed the breathalyser test. Right?

Sergeant: Yes, but...

Mr A: No buts! The allegation was that I was over the legal limit right?

Sergeant: Yes, but...

Mr A: Well, then stick to the allegation.

Sergeant: I’m afraid we can’t

Mr A: Look, all I want is to be treated like any other person. I mean, did you ask the man before me about a dead body?

Sergeant: No, but...

Mr A: There you are then.

(Fast forward to a week later. This time Mr A is facing a two detectives).

Detective 1: Now, about your bedroom.

Mr A: My bedroom?

Detective 2: Yes. Can you tell us who had access to your bedroom?

Mr A: What business is that of yours? I consider these questions prur... prur... prurient.

Detective 1: But sir, we found bloodstains on the carpet in your bedroom and they match the blood type of the person found in the back of your car.

Mr A: I don’t care what you found. I still consider these questions pru... whatyamacallit! Jasus, the next thing is you’ll be asking me if I’ve got a tax clearance certificate!

Brendan Casserly

Abbeybridge

Waterfall

Co Cork