The television beast must be fed on its latest new diet of docu-dramas

TELEVISION is not an electronic pet like an ageing cocker spaniel, good for a bit of companionship and easy to train.

You can’t teach television to look away when it spots a head-banger like Michael Barrymore talking to himself or a handy cactus plant. Like a shark, it responds to stimulus with instinct: there’s blood, let’s be having you. And that’s just the Entertainment side of it.

Of course, the Entertainment side of it doesn’t really matter, because since TV was invented, nobody has watched that side of it. People of worth keep their televisions only for news and current affairs. Oh, and documentaries. Or that’s the assertion.