Woman who groomed and defiled boy jailed for one year

Thu, 16 Nov, 2023 - 14:17

A woman who began grooming a 14-year-old boy when she was 26 began to defile him after two years and now she has been jailed for one year.

The woman controlled him with a pattern of hot/cold communication and aggression and at one time he contemplated suicide.

Pamela Lonergan of Treanmanagh, Glenbeigh, County Kerry, who is now 43, was sentenced to one year in jail on four counts of defilement — whereby she had sexual intercourse with a child under the age of 17 — at Cork Circuit Criminal Court.

Judge Colin Daly said that the victim was 14 when he met the defendant, who was 12 years his senior, and that she first initiated a platonic but intense relationship which developed into a sexual one when the victim was 16.

“She appeared to have relentlessly pursued a relationship with him. It had a very significant impact. She appears to have groomed the victim before sex took place. The accused continued the relationship over a sustained period of time.

“She was previously of good character. She expressed contrition and remorse. She expressed this before any complaint was made. I take this as genuine. There was a significant age gap. A period of time in custody is warranted.”

Detective Sergeant Kevin Long gave evidence of the defilement and described the intense texting and phone calls that preceded the period when the relationship went on to phone sex and, by the time he was 16, to sexual intercourse. This gave rise to four charges of defilement of a child under the age of 17.

Defence barrister Emmet Boyle said the injured party was aged 16 years, six months and 11 days when the first incidence of defilement occurred. He said the accused made no secret of her age when she met the injured party. He said they first had a platonic relationship and spoke about reading and mutual interests and that there was “nothing of a prurient interest” at that time.

Mr Boyle said that she accepted her responsibility and expressed this in front of her Jehovah's Witnesses community and apologised to the complainant.

Judge Daly imposed a sentence of one year and eight months with the last eight months suspended.

Victim impact statement

In his impact statement, the young man said: “I met Pamela towards the end of my 14th year briefly at a casual gathering. We didn’t really talk. She was just a friend of a friend. I hadn’t taken much notice of her. She managed to get my number and she started texting me. She was 12 years older than me. She was working in childcare and window cleaning. She entered my life as my family home was being torn apart. I was extremely vulnerable and lonely and, even though Pamela’s messages felt unusual, the attention was appealing.

“The texting was intense from day one. It was constant back-and-forth texts from morning until evening. I learned how to text during class under my table without looking at my phone. This constant contact massively affected my concentration and performance at school.

“Every now and again she would say she’s stopping all contact for a week or two only to get back in contact earlier than she said she would. I wasn’t allowed to text her during these times and if I did I was berated. This hot/cold communication and aggression was a pattern that continued in the coming years and created great emotional instability for me. I felt shame when I tried to contact her and was met with aggression and judgement. This giving and removing of intense attention created an extreme dependence.

“We started calling on the phone sometimes from 8pm to 6am. I missed school days because of my sleep deprivation and chronic migraines that it caused. Feelings of depression and anxiety increase. This relationship took all my emotional and cognitive attention.

“She asked me on the phone if I had any questions about the female body and she started talking about past sexual experiences and previous boyfriends. Soon after this, she told me she wanted to be the person I had my first sexual experience with. It was early in the morning after an all-night phone conversation. What she said was so shocking I took the day off school and spent the day at home in a dissociative state. It felt so unnatural to be in this position but I was completely dependent.

'I contemplated suicide'

“This talking turned to phone sex and I was made to feel equally responsible and guilty for this. All the while, the hot/cold controlling behaviour was coming from her. I felt my foundation was crumbled and rebuilt daily. I was too young to understand and navigate these intense feelings. The shame and guilt I was feeling for Pamela’s actions caused intense depression and anxiety and I contemplated suicide.

“When the sexual relationship turned physical I was made to feel responsible. I had to reassure her when she was overcome with apparent guilt.

“In public, I had to act like we were just casual friends. The secrecy was corrosive and I felt I was walking on eggshells.

“In my teachers’ words, I had ‘brains to burn’ but the sheer exhaustive nature of this abusive relationship took such a toll that I received fairly average grades in my Junior Cert and left school as soon as I could.”

He said he left the country and she moved later to where he was living, to be with him but he knew it was not right. He said he finally got the courage to break ties with her at the age of 20 but he became addicted to alcohol and porn. By the age of 29, he finally reported the abuse to gardaí and started to seek help. He said that with the support of his wife and a therapist, he has thrown everything at healing himself and his interpersonal relationships.

“I have layer by layer removed the guilt and shame of this abuse and have come to realise this was a betrayal of my trust at my most vulnerable and it isn’t my fault … So Pam, you can keep the abuse, the shame, the guilt, it is not mine,” he said as he left the witness box.

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