Hopes Malmo magic will secure victory for Ryan

Despite the twins’ failure to peak twice and the turkey being rightly stuffed, hundreds of thousands of Irish fans will still optimistically tune in tonight to watch Ryan Dolan’s bid for Eurovision glory.

Much like Britain’s entry, Welsh warbler Bonnie Tyler, the Irish are holding out for a hero, and it could come in the form of the leather-clad Tyrone 27-year-old and his bare-chested and buffed up bodhrán players.

However, while the former window-fitter himself has said that ‘Only Love Survives’ is Ireland’s best song in a long time, Ryan still faces dual challenges of the warped inter-country bloc voting and the nerves of having to wait to perform as the last of the 26 acts at Sweden’s Malmo Arena.