Designing a way to deal with mum’s last days
All that’s missing is his mother, Mim. She died this year within months of being diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour.
Don, 44, and his partner Paschal were in Ireland when his mother was told she had a fatal illness. “We were home when Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumour,” said Don yesterday, speaking to RTÉ radio.
Three months. That was when the inevitable would come. On top of the heart-rending horror of the diagnosis, Don still had to work out how to manage his hugely successful business in New York while spending as much time as he could with his mother. Then fate — in the shape of friend and fellow designer Louise Kennedy — took a hand.
Louise’s plan was simple: Instead of staying in New York, with heart and head in Ireland, why shouldn’t Don bring his design studio home and use technology to communicate with staff in New York? “That is what I did. During that three months, my partner and I made eight trips back to Ireland and each trip was 11 days. Sleeping pills kept me from getting jet-lagged and I successfully completed my Resort collection while in Ireland helping the family take care of Mom for the three months.”
It was the longest time Don had been in Ireland for more than 20 years and it helped him reconnect with family and friends and stay with his mother up to her death. It also led him to appreciate anew the warmth and generosity of the people of Ballyheigue.
“They were amazing,” said Don. “The goodness in people was extraordinary. They didn’t wait to ask how they could help. The just showed up with cooked dinners, or baskets of scones, or special oils for Mom. It was an extraordinary period, filled with love and support, a very sad time, but also a magical one in many ways.”
It also helped him reflect on the long and often rocky road from Ballyheigue to New York, where he is considered one of the most exciting figures in haute couture. From student days in Dublin to working in a pub in London and a McDonald’s in Paris, grit and talent finally paid off when he made his way into the big fashion houses.
Growing up in Ballyheigue, Don first thought of becoming a chef while working at the Park Hotel in Kenmare. But he was bitten by the fashion bug, and the first dress he designed was a debs dress for his sister Deirdre.
After attending fashion college in Dublin, Don was talent-spotted by Gina Fratini who designed for Princess Diana and other British royals. From London he went to Paris, working for Christian Lacroix before settling in New York.
His brand Theia, named after the Greek goddess of sight, is sold in more than 350 stores around the world. His dresses have been worn by singers Norah Jones and Taylor Swift and, most famously of all, Oprah Winfrey. He is also tipped to design Jennifer Aniston’s wedding dress.
The designer to the stars has become a star himself.
His mother would have been proud to know that he is getting ready for another show as part of New York’s fashion week. “My mum had a huge influence on me. Right now, she is shining down on top of me and making sure I am successful and that the nerves stay put and I can keep going.
“She loved fashion. There was a shop Mom used to go to in Ballybunion and all these wonderfully generous women in Dublin would send their once-worn outfits down and very smart women like my Mom would be over there shopping with my aunts and come home with some amazing designer pieces.”
In the early 1960s, his mother was a nanny for the family who owned Colgate in New York, where she acquired a taste for fine clothes. “She would go on these shopping trips to Dublin and would come back with these Ib Jørgensen coats and dresses. I was fascinated by how the clothes were made.”
The only thing apart from her family that Mim loved more was her faith, which not alone helped her cope with dying but also gave comfort to her family. “I had a conversation with Mom before she passed away and asked if there was anything special she wanted to wear. Mom said: ‘No, I don’t mind. Jesus and Mary will take care of me’.”
Don believes that being able to spend so much time with his mother was a gift.
Even more than that. “It was a blessing,” he says.
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