Study reveals the social pressures facing young children
In the latest findings of an ongoing study of the lives of 9 year olds in Ireland, children identified height and size as potentially important for boys and “being pretty and having light skin colour” as potentially significant for girls — and that a lack of these attributes could lead to bullying.
The authors of the Growing Up In Ireland study, who, as part of the latest research, interviewed 120 children and families, said it became evident throughout “that a person’s physical attributes could make them a target for bullying and name-calling”.
One child described how she was bullied because she did not have a pair of Crocs.
To gain an insight into what the children viewed as positive parenting, they were asked to describe the traits that would make someone a “perfect” or “ideal” parent and to define “bad” parenting.
Their responses highlighted that a “perfect parent” was someone who did a lot for their children.
One child said: “Well, they’d be always doing the cleaning, always doing the cooking, making sure that you get to school, making sure you have everything, making sure everything is fine, making sure all your homework is done, making sure you are happy going to school…” Another said an “ideal” parent would be well dressed and have perfect children and a clean house.
Factors such as neglect, emotional abuse and physical punishment were given as examples of “bad” parenting.
On the whole, brothers and sisters appeared to be good company for the children but also the source of the most turbulent relationships in their lives.
Younger siblings were a source of frustration for some children. In some cases, older siblings were admired while others saw them as domineering.
Many children saw pets as part of the family. In some cases the family pet appeared to be a source of emotional support for the child.
Adolescence was seen as a time of great change, both physically and in terms of relationships. Children looked to it as a time of greater independence but also of greater responsibility and as a time when they would become more interested in the opposite sex. “At 13, I will have a girlfriend probably,” one boy said.
Parents interviewed were overwhelming positive about the rewards parenting brought but some were worried that the overburden of activities could have a negative impact on the child’s development.
Their main challenges were protecting and safeguarding children, nurturing and disciplining them, and the financial pressures involved in bringing them up.
“A recurring theme was the impact of consumerism and the financial pressures experienced by parents. They described the pressures of providing for their children. Many noted that this pressure can often come from the children themselves,” the report stated.
Parents had various ways of relaxing and making time for themselves away from the children. Some fathers tended to play a sport or go to the pub, while mothers mentioned going shopping, walking or meeting up with friends.
Growing Up In Ireland is a national study tracking the progress of infant and child cohorts over a period of seven years.
Its latest findings were published yesterday.
“Well, I would have to cook, clean, I would have to work, listen to the children nag, listen to them fight. I don’t think I want to be a parent.” (Girl)
“You’re never afraid to talk to them and that is always there for you.” (Boy)
* Children are aware of what foods are good for them and link being overweight with unhealthy eating and lack of exercise, but many still eat unhealthy food.
* Children recognise that extremes of weight — being “too fat” or “two skinny” — is unhealthy, but there were unhealthy behaviours and troubled attitudes to food. Some nine-year-olds had a detailed knowledge of anorexia.
* Children identified unhealthy activities as “staying on the computer all day” or “sitting watching TV and doing nothing”. The connection was made between exercising outdoors and getting “fresh air”.
* Peers were cited as a greater source of influence for children from low-income families, whereas children from high-income families reported more parental influence on their participation in activities. Schools were the main provider of amenities.
* Both cigarettes and alcohol were seen as “bad for you”; none of them planned to smoke but most thought they would drink in moderation.
* Children looked forward to the transition from primary to secondary school with a mixture of excitement and apprehension, influenced by family accounts.
* Bullying was a cause of anxiety for some, largely because of older teens.
* Second-level was referred to as being “stressful” with extra homework and harder subjects.
* Children looked forward to making new friends but were anxious about losing friends.
* Children had limited knowledge of the changes puberty brings.
* Children predicted adolescence would offer opportunities for doing things with friends and relationships.
* They anticipated taking on greater responsibilities, knowing they came with independence.
* Their ambitions were to be healthy, to get a good job, and to stay close to friends and family. The majority of boys wanted to be professional sports players, while most girls wanted to be professional performers.
* The majority of children got on well with both parents but had a more open relationship with their mother, with whom they spent more time.
* Children felt less close to parents who worked long hours and were less available.
* Children turned to their mothers to meet their emotional needs.
* Relationships with their father revolved more around shared activities.
* Where parents had split up and the father no longer lived at home, maintaining a positive relationship was at times a challenge.
* Children largely understood house rules and boundary-setting were driven by parental desire to protect them.
* Grandparents helped buffer families from stress by helping with childcare and were seen by grandchildren as sources of fun and companionship.
* Sibling relationships were a mixture of conflict and companionship. Pets were seen as family members and good companions.
“Hmmm, I think I look alright for a normal person, I don’t think I look like pretty, pretty, pretty. I don’t think that at all because sometimes I just feel like I’m uuugh and sometimes I feel like … yeah, I’m so pretty but em … sometimes I just think I look normal.” (Girl)
“My mam always says that I’m handsome ... after, like, I spike my hair.” (Boy)
“There’s loads of green and there’s a big green across the way and I can play soccer there.” (Boy)
“I think it’s fun because we have cul de sacs … it means a big space and sometimes you can play hide and go seek and chasing” (Girl)
“She always makes me feel that I don’t have to worry to tell her aboutpeople in school that are bullying me or if I feel upset about everything.” (Boy)
“Just sometimes she gets really angry and she shouts at me for, em, stuff, like when she is really angry about something and I ask her something she shouts at me because she is angry about that thing and then at night time she says sorry she was just really angry she couldn’t help it.” (Girl)
“Yeah, we get on good cause he helps me with my sports and to help me get better with my hurling and soccer and all that stuff.” (Boy)
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