Kenny pop it?

DANCE-OFF cancelled when Vincent Browne turns up to adjudicate.

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE

FOR a moment, we thought the Fianna Fáil website had confirmed the transfer swoop of the season — we’d already dialled Mo Johnston’s number to talk us through the emotions involved.

Alas, it seems to be a late tactic change from party HQ, no doubt after some blue-sky thinking during a breakout session. “Guys, the Fine Gael website keeps getting us votes. Let’s make ours the same and we can still win this.”

HIGH FIVE POINT PLAN

AFTER a torrid day fending off equality campaigners angry at Lucinda Creighton’s gay marriage comments, there’s jubilation when the Fine Gael camp discovers how to delete Facebook messages.

ANOTHER PLANET

ELECTION candidate least likely to be lobbied by the ISPCA? Step up Independent John Pluto Hyland, the starry-eyed Dublin South-Central hopeful who is canvassing under the unique slogan: “You must be able to shoot your own dog. Your ballot is your bullet. Shoot this dog of a government!”

Guess Fine Gael can count on one more for the stag hunting bill.

MASTER DEBATERS

IN case your thirst for the riveting ding-dong of leaders’ debates wasn’t sated last night, hats off to RTÉ for compiling all the cosy chats since 1982 on one page. View them here bit.ly/hXx6Wq.

It’s all there, from Garret the Good’s photo snub in ‘82 to Bertie’s stuttering fightback in 2007, the magnificent Brian Farrell bestriding many of them like a dignified, yet businesslike, electric chair operator.

Amid all the painfully familiar rhetoric and counter-claim about national debt and unemployment, perhaps the words of John Bruton in 1997 are the closest we can grasp to a comfort blanket.

“Is there any country in Europe that doesn’t owe money for God’s sake? Don’t make a fetish of it!”

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