Gaff for sale, comes with own backbench chickens

ROLL up! Roll up! Reduced ramshackle Republic for sale! No offer too small, or too humiliating for consideration.

New to the international money market, good doer-upper, foundations have collapsed however, due to careless activities of previous landlords — the reckless cohabiting couple Fianna Fáil and the Greens.

Buy-to-rent continental consortium, the EU/IMF, are keen on securing a bargain deal with knock-down €90bn offer, but negotiations have taken a back seat as FF and the Greens slug it out over who is to blame for the shocking state of the gaff.