Smile, though your heart is aching, breaking

IT was hard to tell if Brian Cowen was clowning or drowning yesterday, but then when isn’t it?

With his Government’s ship listing ever more heavily, as it drifts dangerously close to being wrecked on the rocks of recession, it was thrown an unexpected lifeline in the form of Galway securing the final stage of the prestigious round the world sailing event, the Volvo Ocean race.

It’s been quite some time since Mr Cowen had any good economic news to announce – his whole Premier League in fact – and he seemed rather disorientated by the prospect. Though the Taoiseach was certainly in a better humour than an hour earlier in the Dáil when he had branded an upstart Blueshirt a “clown.”

But as it dawned on Mr Cowen his Government was helping create jobs for once, that most uncharacteristic of features appeared across his face – a smile. He was so chirpy he even predicted great things for Ireland’s entry in the race, Green Dragon.

But his holiday from the gloom was short lived – unlike Health Minister Mary Harney, who has made St Patrick’s Day stretch to a fortnight in New Zealand, where she is enduring an arduous routine of meet and greet events with her husband and three staff in tow at the taxpayers’ expense.

Let’s hope the poor woman gets some much needed r’n’r time Down Under, like on that “fact finding” mission to Arizona two years ago which happened to coincide with her attendance at the Super Bowl.

But back home in health crisis Ireland, Mr Cowen went from highlighting the hopes of the Green Dragon of the future to being plunged into the mess of prising back the hopes of the Green dragon of the present – the uppity Ciarán Cuffe – who has seemingly set sail for his rotating Cabinet seat and steered the coalition into unchartered waters.

John Gormley is keen to stop Mr Cuffe turning into Mr Huff and his party continues to tie itself in nautical knots over the whole farcical affair.

First, the party of supposed political transparency and openness refused to tell anyone if there really was a secret deal to rotate its Cabinet positions, then Energy Minister Eamon Ryan finally admitted to the dirty deed – only for the Greens to deny they had told anyone whether it was true or not after all. Most confusing.

TV3’s Ursula Halligan was determined to nail Mr Cowen’s colours on the matter to the mast.

As he entered the sailing race gig, she was initially brushed aside but circled the Taoiseach like a hungry news shark scenting blood.

Then, as soon as the Taoiseach stood down from the top table, Ms Halligan locked onto him with the zeal of a heat-seeking Exocet missile and holed him below the water line as he attempted to exit the room. Of course, the Taoiseach didn’t actually say anything in response to the questioning, as he never actually says anything about anything, but Ms Halligan deserves a 21-gun salute for her tenacity nonetheless.

But the Greens were still not keen to come clean on the rotation situation as Mr Gormley plumbed new depths of despair, contradicting Mr Ryan as the Energy Minister stood by his side, suddenly silent.

Send in the clowns? Don’t bother – they’re already here.