Muddle, She Spoke star plays a blinder in title role

AND so the search for the Toxic Loan Ten continues.

Investigations centred on the Dáil yesterday where Tánaiste Mary Coughlan was helping the opposition with their inquiries into who the mystery millionaires are.

Ms Coughlan cuts an unlikely Angela Lansbury figure, coming across less Murder, She Wrote, more Muddle, She Spoke.

However, the Tánaiste did arrest the attention of the House with the unlikely statement: “I want to provide clarity.”

Now, Ms Coughlan’s weekly rollercoaster ride through the Dáil’s Order of Business often only serves to highlight her rather unusual grip on the brief rather than any moments of enlightenment, so the offer of unexpected clarity — as opposed to the usual unintentional hilarity — meant TDs were all ears.

Indeed, anticipation was so intense it even saw a Green cabinet minister briefly attend the chamber, as John Gormley remembered he was a member of this Government and put his head around the door.

Then the “clarity” came and we were all none the wiser about the identity of the 10 mega-rich individuals approached to take e300m worth of shares in the tanking Anglo-Irish Bank — paid for by dubious-sounding loans from the institution itself.

Ms Coughlan informed us the finance minister, as shareholder on behalf of the hard-pressed taxpayer, was not entitled to know the names — so, that was another couple of billion euro well spent then.

But at least nationalisation got the Toxic Loan Ten off the hook, as you, me, the soon-to-be 500,000 unemployed, not to mention those countless numbers suffering due to the HSE frontline jobs freeze, will be picking up the bill.

As the Golden Circle was turning into a golden delicious bite into the sleaze-splattered Irish banking system for the opposition, Sinn Féin’s Caoimhghín O’Caoláin was building up a magnificent fury at the Tánaiste’s less then helpful attitude.

Despite the increasingly exasperated Ceann Comhairle’s wheeze of switching off Mr O’Caoláin’s microphone, the Cavan-Monaghan TD’s disdain continued to boom across the chamber.

“You’re very close to the door,” Mr O’Donoghue warned pointedly.

Justice Minister Dermot Ahern also appeared very pleased with himself after shouting at the Sinn Féin TD: “We should publish the annual report of the Northern Bank — that would be interesting”

Ah, the good old days of the Northern Bank raid when we were naive enough to believe the dodgy types were trying to break in to our financial institutions — rather than fully embedded inside.