Awareness campaign aims to tackle element of shame around suicide

THERE is still an element of shame surrounding suicide, the widow of a man who took his own life said yesterday.

Mother-of-eight Nuala Whelan from Dundrum, Co Dublin, was 38 when her husband John, 41, took his own life in the summer of 1999.

His body was found by relatives on their daughter’s 18th birthday.

He had been missing for just over a day.

“Even now when I tell people that John took his life, it’s almost like you have some sort of disease that you could catch it,” she said.

“Most people are open to it, but there is still that element of shame. People even ask why I tell people that John died the way he did, why didn’t I make it out to be something else.”

A 22-year veteran of An Post, John showed no signs of depression or any other indications of psychological distress. The couple had been married 19 years and had five boys and three girls ranging in age from six to 18.

“This was totally out of the blue for both myself and the children,” said Ms Whelan.

“For me I had to get myself well. There was no point in just getting the kids sorted if I wasn’t sorted.

“At that time there was no real help. Financially and emotionally I had to start from scratch.”

Ms Whelan eventually found help through a volunteer suicide support group in Bray, Co Wicklow, and said nine years after her family’s tragedy the State is gradually trying to improve suicide services.

Most of Ms Whelan’s children are now grown up, with one a nurse, another a barrister and a third studying for a masters degree in architecture.

“We’ve always kept it open. They [the children] all know how he died,” said Ms Whelan. “It has always been an open thing.

“There was nothing kept in the closet. My fear was that if I told them a lie, years down the road someone would come out with the truth.

“It wasn’t an easy task,” she said.

She was speaking at the launch of Console’s Snowdrop campaign, an organisation which provides a specific form of counselling for those mourning a loved one who took their own life.

The Console campaign aims to raise awareness and funds for counselling services for the thousands of people whose lives have been torn apart by suicide in this country.

Actress Amy Huberman, star of the hit RTÉ health drama, The Clinic, said Irish people are frightened to talk about suicide.

“If we find it difficult to digest, imagine how those faced with it must feel; the extent of utter desperation and loneliness that someone must experience to take that route as their only option. I think people are frightened to talk about suicide as it has always traditionally been a taboo subject in this country, and for many years, in religious terms, seen as a moral sin.

“It often leads us to character assassinate the victim as selfish or weak,” said Ms Huberman.

The young actress, who begins filming the sixth series of The Clinic next month, said she was anxious to help out and was joined at the launch by junior Health Minister Jimmy Devins and Console chief executive Sean McCarthy.

Console’s campaign sees the introduction of annual national Snowdrop Days, where the public can support the cause by purchasing a snowdrop pin as a symbol of hope.

The pin costs €3 and will be on sale until the end of April.

A special text line has also been set up where people can text the word SNOWto 57030 and be charged a one-off cost of €2.50.

Mr McCarthy said that between 450 and 500 families, schools, communities,workplaces and sports organisations are bereaved every year because of suicide.