Hillsborough prepares to welcome royalty after seeing off the riff-raff

NOW that the white trash have gone back to the White House and Whitehall, Hillsborough Castle will again host some proper dignitaries.

The arrival of Princess Anne yesterday will doubtless be more welcome with the locals in the genteel village of Hillsborough than George W Bush, and Tony Blair and all their pals. With its freshly-cut grass, Presbyterian Church, Masonic Hall and Church of Ireland chape the predominantly Protestant village seems as though it was transplanted from Middle England to Northern Ireland.

As soon as the President and PM had departed the castle, courtiers started getting it ready for royalty by moving the throne back to its usual spot. The troops who emerged from patrolling the forest around the castle were a long way from Baghdad or Basra, and probably wished they were on the attack in Iraq rather than defending the VIP guests from any menace emerging from the trees.