Before kick-off on Saturday, a colleague dryly remarked: “So, we’re a wobbling mid-table side, up against a tight, in-form, Champions League-able team, who have a settled-in manager, with players that he actually wants at the club, in a system they are comfortable with ... I’ll be happy with a point gained.”

Joe Kinnear last night risked alienating the Newcastle fans further by claiming to have “more intelligence than them”.

Newcastle 1 Benfica 1

Cheryl Cole can't stop swearing.

The 'Geordie Shore' cast won't be getting drunk over the festive period.

Unite’s Brian Gallagher was handed a poisoned chalice when negotiating job cuts with Aviva, but the union official scored a victory by cutting the number of redundancies and securing 220 jobs for Galway, writes Kyran Fitzgerald

If Pep Guardiola believed it was so hard presiding over the fates of Lionel Messi and company at the Nou Camp in recent weeks, he should have tried exchanging places with fellow Barcelona fan Roberto Martinez.

Simon Cowell has hinted at his view on Cheryl Cole’s departure from the X Factor, saying: “That’s showbusiness.”

Chart superstars Take That set the seal on their reunion with robots, giant caterpillars and high wires as they kicked off their spectacular sell-out tour - one of the biggest to be staged.

Manchester United striker Michael Owen has hit back at criticism from Newcastle fans following his return to St James’ Park.

NOT that we needed any reminding (following our traumatic implosion on Tyneside) but football’s a fickle old mistress.

Diego Maradona is set to rest a number of key players in their final World Cup Group B clash with Greece.

AND so the long league season in Blighty is almost all over bar the shouting, screaming and wailing as the final day relegation/promotion battles take centre stage.

Steven Gerrard made sure he had his picture taken with actor Daniel Craig after guiding Liverpool to a comprehensive 3-0 destruction of Newcastle at Anfield but it is the Geordies who need the help of James Bond to get themselves out of their relegation mess.

RAFAEL BENITEZ revealed Argentina captain Javier Mascherano has turned down an approach by an unnamed club for his services.

GEORDIES are a strange breed; Newcastle only have to announce the signing of a second-rate player and for whom they have paid well over the odds and they all descend on St James’s Park in their thousands, loud and invariably bare-chested (and that’s just the women), telling all and sundry that this is the signing that will change their fortunes.

I WON’T be swayed in my conviction that the destination of the title is already decided. Who goes down is another matter altogether and a horrible scenario for a football-besotted region is on the horizon: all three north-east clubs could be relegated.

SO Goose has passed his first test and will be facing the next this evening; win tonight and the feelgood factor will be well and truly back for the blue faithful, although I wasn’t one of those singing “Chelsea are back” at the final whistle up at Villa Park. Premature crowing often leaves egg on one’s face — doesn’t it Rafa?

AS distractions go, a rare win over United was a blessing to some and a curse to others.

AFTER the first 60 minutes at Middle Eastlands I had mentally crafted this column as a thesis on which set of supporters this weekend looked the biggest set of plums — the Manchester City fans swathed in tea-towels and Brazil shirts or those braying Geordies with their paranoid banners about “the Cockney Mafia.”

Javier Mascherano is a major doubt for Liverpool’s home game with Newcastle tomorrow.

THERE is a general consensus sweeping the insular world of Premier League football that Newcastle United are just too good to go down.

HAS it really come to this?

Newcastle winger Damien Duff has promised his best days at Newcastle are yet to come as he plots his return from a frustrating injury lay-off.

Newcastle 1 Birmingham 5

Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd has vowed to fight on despite fan protests calling for his resignation.

Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd has vowed to fight on despite fan protests calling for his resignation.

Newcastle 3 Bolton 1

ALAN SHEARER’S dream of becoming manager of Newcastle United moved closer yesterday when he stepped in to assist caretaker boss Glenn Roeder after the sacking of Graeme Souness.

West Ham 2 Newcastle 4

SOMETIMES in life there is no option but to take the least attractive option.

MICHAEL OWEN can't stay in Spain. It's injuring his football health. Never mind that he was a prolific goal-scoring substitute at Madrid last season, he's clearly dropped further down the striking pecking order at the Bernabeu after the signings of Baptista and Robinho.

The Affiliation of Celtic Supporters Associations have welcomed the arrival of new manager Gordon Strachan and the possibility of a permanent deal for striker Craig Bellamy.

Former Newcastle boss Ruud Gullit is ready to bury the hatchet with Alan Shearer.

NEWCASTLE chairman Freddy Shepherd has ordered Bobby Robson’s battle-scarred troops to forget about licking their wounds and make their season one to remember.

NEWCASTLE striker Craig Bellamy has put himself in with a chance of returning to action in tomorrow night’s UEFA Cup clash with Real Mallorca.

HOW many times will this be said throughout the season: where would Manchester United be without the key quartet of Keane, Nistelrooy, Scholes and Howard?

BOBBY ROBSON yesterday reaffirmed his commitment to Newcastle and vowed to lift the club away from the bottom end of the Premiership.

Samba fever is sweeping Tyneside this afternoon as news of Newcastle’s audacious bid to bring Brazilian World Cup star Rivaldo to the FA Barclaycard Premiership spread.