Dear Dáithí: When did grocery shopping become a family outing? 

'I’d imagine the parents would prefer to be anywhere else except doing the shopping and being driven cracked by their own children.' 

Dear Dáithí,
Why do some parents insist on bringing their children grocery shopping? I’m not talking about a mum or dad on their own bringing their kids, I’m talking about the ones who seem to make a family outing out of picking up the weekly food shop.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve seen an increasing volume of stressed-out-looking parents trying to placate toddlers in trolleys and negotiate treats at the checkout. I’ve witnessed teens storming off in a huff after, I can only assume, being refused some high-sugar food, and smallies having full-on meltdowns on the ground with embarrassed-looking parents trying to calm them.

I don’t understand why one parent just wouldn’t stay at home with the kids or take them for a walk or something while their partner is doing the shopping? Surely there are better family outings than choosing what cereal to get that week?

I’m kinda laughing to myself here after reading your letter, because first of all, like many reading this, we all know what you’re talking about. I have often said the same thing to myself.

I’m not too sure what we can do to change this. We can’t control what others do; it’s just like if we do something that annoys others, we wouldn’t be happy to be told to change. 

That said, it’s an interesting one to explore, and I think it’s important to understand why this happens, and when we know, we might all just take a deep breath.

I think a lot of this comes from everyone being time-poor, with both parents working all the time and trying to make ends meet. The only way to get the shopping done is with the whole clan involved. 

Now, I’m totally with you — giving the kids a choice with everything that goes into the trolley would drive you demented and would certainly take its toll on me, but sometimes parents don’t have a choice but to bring them along.

Years ago, I remember being left in the drive while my mother did the shopping. If that happened today, they’d be on the phone to Tusla. It didn’t do me any harm. 

I can’t remember why my mother didn’t bring me in — I might have been one of those annoying kids in the shop, even though no special things were going into the cart that time. Choices only came in after that time, it seems.

Now, here is a question for you: Why does this bother you so much? When you look at it, all that happens is parents trying to do their best. I’d imagine the parents would prefer to be anywhere else except doing the shopping and being driven cracked by their own children. 

The thing is, there is nothing that even you can do to help. But it shouldn’t annoy you, just be thankful they’re not your problem. Take for instance, that child that stormed off in a huff and the parents being embarrassed — I’d feel very sorry for that parent. We don’t know what that person is dealing with in life; they might have gotten bad news that day, who knows, but I do think we need to take a step back sometimes and just think before we judge.

I think too that you might have been hard on these people, saying choosing the cereal was the family outing of the week; again, you and I don’t know this. They might do a few things all together every weekend, so we can’t judge, especially when we don’t know the whole story, and even if we did know the whole story, we shouldn’t judge anyway!

One of my favorite things when I was young was the treats at the checkout. You can’t blame the kids for trying to get them — it’s a rite of passage to at least ask for them — we were all that child at one point. I think children have this sixth sense that parents are very tired at the end of shopping, and sense their weakness and then go for it. I was good at it.

Now, what do you do? Well, I think you should try to really understand what’s going on, take a deep breath, and have some understanding for those parents. It’s not easy, and they don’t want to be in that situation either, but that is life, and it has to be done. 

If you are not happy with that and you really don’t want to be witnessing that, then I think you should do your shopping very early in the morning or when the children are in school. You will be guaranteed not to see any of them, and you’ll have the place to yourself. 

You might be asking why you should change your routine, and the straight answer is that you’re the person who doesn’t like this and really, they are not going to change what they are doing and why should they, so you’ll have to. 

They don't even know that this is a problem for someone, and with life being so busy, they wouldn't even care; they have other things to be worried about.

I would try to be more understanding when it comes to others and their kids. Yes, it’s annoying when you see the way kids have meltdowns, and the embarrassment that follows with the parents, but it shouldn’t be looked down on. Have a think about that, and if you’re still not happy, you should think about the times you do your own shopping — it might be the simplest solution.

All that said, I’d really love to know why this bothers you so much, because in the grand scheme of things, there is a lot worse happening in the world today.