Bernard O'Shea: My own Zara 'death pants' moments — three fashion mistakes I'll never live down

Every wardrobe has one item that seemed like a brilliant idea at the time.

A male model in a gilet. 'I’m going to say it loudly now: “I LOVE MY GILET”. And to my friends and family who constantly scream at me for saying the word ‘gilet’ in a French accent when I’m looking for it: I’m going to keep wearing it.'

We've all heard about the Zara ‘death pants’ by now.

If you haven’t, they’re the €25.95 pair of extra-long, wide-leg Zara trousers that went viral after women began posting videos of themselves tripping, falling, and, in some cases, injuring themselves, because the legs were simply too long.

Denise O’Donoghue , of this parish, decided to buy a pair and wear them for an hour, as an experiment. Her verdict? Between nearly losing her balance and constantly fighting with metres of polyester, while inadvertently making it a flowing adventure for her dog, the pants nickname was well earned.

It got me thinking I have had ‘Zara death pants moments’, physically and emotionally. Here are my top three:

My 2007 cardigan

I bought what I thought, at the time, was a very stylish, reversible, brown-and-grey cardigan. When I tried it on in the shop, I felt like a surfer dude who had just lit a log fire on the beach at sunset and was comfortable knowing I was going to sit with my sea-salted memories of great waves I caught that day (I have never surfed in my life, but it is a very strong clue as to where I bought it… I’ve said too much).

In reality, I looked like a bogger wearing a cardigan. Some men — with defined jawlines and broad shoulders, who have names like Bradley or Josh — can look sexy in cardigans. 

As for me, that year all I heard from my friends was: ‘Why are you wearing a cardigan?’

I wore it on the first night I met my now-wife. It was only years later she revealed she thought, ’Jesus, what is he wearing’ and told me she dropped several hints that night, like, “Are you roasting? You should take that off”; and, “That’s a nice t-shirt you have on, you can’t really see it with the cardigan.”

Six weeks later, it was: “Please get rid of that ugly f**king cardigan.” I kept it for years after.

My 2017 Grenson boots

My father was obsessed with his shoes. He polished them every day, and, in fairness, he looked after all of our shoes. It was an absolute crime to leave the house with dirt on them or for them not to be shining.

His brand of choice was Grenson. Years later, I saw a pair of triple-welt Grenson boots online and thought, ‘Well, there is the circle of life right there’.

I was sick and tired of constantly buying shoes: I wear through a pair every few months. So I was advised to buy them and use the local cobbler to re-sole them every year.

The one thing I was warned to do by my friend was to make 100% sure that I “wore them in”. They are completely made of leather, and once your foot aligns to them, after slowly walking in them for a few weeks, maybe a few months, they are the most comfortable shoe you will ever wear.

The morning I got them, I put them on. I loved them and still do (they will never wear out). I wore them out that night. I was performing at the 3Arena as part of Red Nose Day. I walked onto the stage in front of 8,000 people, did my 10 minutes, and then got absolutely plastered.

That night, there was a snowstorm, and taxis were non-existent. I waited outside the Gibson Hotel for what seemed like hours and decided, in my drunken brain: ‘I’ll walk home, sure I’ll enjoy it!’ That walk, however, was seven miles: All the way from the 3Arena to the gates of the Phoenix Park, and then through Castleknock Village, over the M50 bridge, and into the estate where we lived. It took me four hours, because I couldn’t see the paths in the Phoenix Park with the snow.

Even though I was very drunk, I could hear a weird squelching noise in my new boots and felt some pain.

The next morning, I woke to screams. There was blood all over the bottom of the bed. My heels had bled so badly that my left one had actually clotted to the duvet cover in some kind of makeshift First World War bandage during the night. It took me weeks before I could walk properly again.

I still have and wear those boots, 10 years later, so, as they say, ‘buy once and buy well’; just make sure you break them in first.

My 2024 gilet

I had no idea the gilet jacket had strong associations with (let’s be polite) being a bit of a tosser.

I’m going to say it loudly now: “I LOVE MY GILET”. And to my friends and family who constantly scream at me for saying the word ‘gilet’ in a French accent when I’m looking for it: I’m going to keep wearing it.

My arms stay cool while my body stays warm. It is the greatest thing that has ever entered my life.

It’s not a Zara ‘death pants’ moment. It’s a statement piece, and to my wife, if she’s reading this, nobody puts my gilet in the corner.