Bernard O’Shea: I want England to do well in the World Cup (just not win it)

England going out on penalties would suit me just fine

England's Elliot Anderson plays for Nottingham Forest, the team Bernard O'Shea supports

After Ireland lost to Czechia in the World Cup qualifier, my 10-year-old son was inconsolable. I had to walk him around the house for half an hour just to get him to calm down.

I later found out the vast number of young football fans in Ireland went through a similar experience without the near-midnight amble (I didn’t mind, as I hit my 10,000 steps that day. At least there was one winner that night).

Eventually, my patience ran out. I looked my son straight in the eyes and said: “This is what it’s going to be like for the rest of your life supporting Ireland”.

His tears turned to anger. “You saw Ireland play in a World Cup, it’s not fair. And to go out on penalties! That’s the worst part.”

I didn’t even need a nanosecond to respond to that.

“Don’t worry about it, you’ll cheer up when you see England go out on penalties”.

But he wasn’t impressed at all. It wasn’t the first time in my life I’d seriously misjudged the room.

“But I like the England team, Dad. Jude Bellingham plays for Real Madrid. Elliot Anderson is in the squad, he plays for Forest (We, as in “I”, forced my kids to support my childhood team Nottingham Forest), why do you want them to go out on penalties?”

There is no concise, quick answer to that question.

The contradiction

Millions of Irish emigrated to Britain. They also settled in Scotland and Wales, but the vast majority put down roots in the industrial cities of England. You cannot mention any of the big Manchester bands or comedians of the last 30 years without hearing surnames like Gallagher, Marr, or Coogan.

Numerous presenters in the BBC, UTV, and Sky have either Irish connections or are Irish. We, as a nation, are well represented in English media and business circles, and, dare I say it, liked.

So how come it’s not reciprocated, especially when it comes to football? Most Irish soccer fans follow English football teams. Not just watch them on the telly, but pay a small fortune to travel to grounds like Old Trafford and Anfield. The answer is:

History

It is obvious to Irish people because we are taught Irish history. It’s continually commented that the reverse is not true. The collective generational memory of colonisation, famine, and Anglicisation of our culture and language is not something you’re going to forget too easily.

We didn’t have a fling with the British Empire; we were its plus-one at the wedding, even as we kept telling it we didn’t want to go in the first place.

My father was an ardent republican. But here’s the twist: he wasn’t anti-English. GAA was always his number one, yet he loved Brian Clough and would make the entire house remain quiet when he gave an interview on the box. He eulogised Jack Charlton.

Along with watching his beloved Kerry, he also rarely missed soccer matches. GAA was always his number one. But he was able to separate sport from his core beliefs. Only the one time did it leak into his thoughts when he proclaimed after Ireland’s historic 1-0 win over England in Euro 88 that “Waddle and Barnes would have made fantastic Gaelic footballers”.

So why do I want England to do well at this World Cup, but not win it?

I’ve thought about this a lot — in fact, way too much. I pay a small fortune to watch the Premier League and Nottingham Forest. I love it, yes, love the English game. I have even warmed to the national team. They all seem like nice people, not just footballers. The arrogant scent that historically wafted from them has waned. They speak confidently, but are not overtly brash.

I travel to the UK frequently, and I’m always kind of shocked by how excited and welcoming English people are when they hear my accent. Yes, there’s history, but I’m willing to set it aside.

So why do I still enjoy the day when I unashamedly get great craic from seeing them go out on penalties at every World Cup? The answer is because:

We’d never hear the end of it

It would be intolerable. Mostly because half of the media I consume is English. From football podcasts to game coverage and commentary. If England won the World Cup, I can guarantee that for the next 20 years, everything would be brought back to them winning it.

But mostly I fear for Roy Keane. He wouldn’t be able to cope with Gary Neville and Ian Wright constantly mentioning it at every given opportunity.

I never miss an episode of their podcast, Stick To Football. Neville, Wright, and Jill Scott, who all represented their country, wouldn’t be able to stop talking about it. Jamie Carragher, I’d imagine, being Scouse, would be OK. But Roy would eventually crack and walk, and I enjoy him too much for that to happen.

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So what did I eventually say to my son when he asked me: “Why do you want them to go out on penalties?”

I just told him: “You’re young, you’ll eventually learn why.”