Trevor O'Neill: ‘My autism diagnosis felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders’

Midleton-based Trevor O’Neill describes two key moments that led to him gaining a sense of purpose and of himself — and the confidence to see things through

Trevor O'Neill: 'I feel if I’d had the diagnosis earlier, I could have done some research and found out how to deal with situations better instead of trying to muddle my way through.' Picture: Larry Cummins

The moment that turned everything around for me was meeting Mary Jordan, a coordinator on the
WorkAbility programme, which supports people who have social or mental disabilities, or who have been out of work a long time.

For the previous three or four years from my mid-20s, I’d essentially been running in circles. I’d left a job I had in a paintball arena because I wanted to start my own business, but I basically struggled to find a clear path to reach that goal.

What would usually happen: I’d get an idea into my head — about doing a course, for example — and I’d be all fired up to do it, that I’d definitely finish it this time… and as the weeks went on, I’d get bored or lose motivation or get distracted. I’d make an excuse in my head and I’d skip out in a day. This would
domino into not attending, and then ‘oh, I failed again’.

I was essentially wasting energy on the wrong things, and I ended up feeling stuck in a rut, where I lost a lot of motivation and stopped caring about stuff.

So WorkAbility was the first time I’d gone to a Government assistance scheme and immediately been asked: what are you interested in? What aspects of work do you enjoy?

What I’d enjoyed about the paintball arena job was that I got to interact a lot with the public, running games and greeting people. Telling Mary about that helped her, and me, hone in on ‘I might actually make a good instructor’.

And once I figured out that was the route I wanted to go — which was teaching courses on how to use computers — for the first time in my life I had a genuine clear goal of ‘I want to do this’.

Another major moment for me that happened about two months after I joined the WorkAbility programme was getting a diagnosis of autism.

I’d thought I had ADHD — a good friend who has this had heard me describe my struggles with concentrating on things, with motivation. She suggested I try to find a diagnosis. I went to a private medical centre for an assessment, and after it was done the doctor said: “I wouldn’t be diagnosing you with ADHD — you’re showing entirely the signs of autism.”

It was definitely a surprise moment but not in a bad way. It genuinely felt like a massive weight off my shoulders. I remember laying back in the chair and thinking ‘there’s actually a reason I am the way I am’.

Because I shied away from social events, like parties, whether work or family-related. With family
get-togethers for something like an anniversary, I’m not joking, it wouldn’t have been uncommon for me to show my face for a couple of seconds and then vanish into my room for as long as I could get away with. 

Even just trying to have friends to hang out with, I almost never had that in my adult life. If I was at home and not in a work environment I generally preferred to be on my own. Part of me felt strange and guilty about that. I felt I should be out, but anytime I tried to force myself I felt worse.

Getting the diagnosis gave me a massive sense of relief — and of justification. I could actually justify why I am the way I am and not feel guilty anymore about myself. 

And I feel if I’d had the diagnosis earlier, I could have done some research and found out how to deal with situations better instead of trying to muddle my way through.

The biggest change all of this has brought only fully manifested this year. It has given me the drive and motivation to see things through.

My biggest failing was I was good at starting things but completely hopeless at seeing them through. The key to it all was as simple as people helping me figure out what I wanted to do. Seeing that, I just really want to help people and that I’m good at public speaking and delivering instruction.

And suddenly it’s like I have all the energy to push back those walls that were stopping me all those years. A handful of years ago, setbacks would have resulted in me giving up. Now, for the first time in my adult life, I’ve been able to finish a ‘Train the Trainer’ course, which is considered a difficult course.

One hundred percent I’m a different man. Personality-wise, I’m the same, but within myself I’m a completely different person. In short, I have self-confidence. I never had self-confidence, not growing up, not as a teen or a young adult. I have it now and I can be proud of what I’m doing. Finally, I can say that.

• SECAD Partnership (South and East Cork Area Development) is a local development company promoting rural development and social inclusion across South, East, and West Cork and increasingly at national level. It delivers a wide range of community-led local development initiatives, including WorkAbility. Through WorkAbility, Trevor has completed several training courses and started an internship with data storage company NetApp, as well as completing a ‘Train the Trainer’ course funded by SECAD