Dear Dáithí: I've given up drink and my boyfriend and friends are giving me grief over it

"...I too have continued dry January into this month and am feeling great. My friends are saying the same thing to me but in a very jokey way and thankfully it has stayed jokey for me, but I think the jokes for you are long gone."

Mon, 24 Feb, 2025 - 11:41

Daithi Ó Sé

Dear Dáithí,

I tried 'Dry January' there and I feel the benefits if it so much that I'm keeping it going.

The problem is my partner, and my friends are not impressed with this, and it's making me realise how much alcohol features in our social lives.

At first, they were joking with me, calling me the designated driver and all that, but now it's like they are angry with me. My boyfriend is saying I'm no craic. He actually begged me to have a drink last night.

But I feel so much better about myself, I'm doing things like walking the local greenway, while he stays in bed hungover.

We both in our late 20s, I feel it's time to get serious about our lives. He goes for one or two pints most evenings. Weekends, it's a lot more.

I feel we have nothing in common anymore. But I'm feeling the pressure from him and our friends, it's getting to a head and I'm not sure what to do. 

Well done for doing Dry January — it’s not easy especially when everybody around you couldn’t even do a damp one.

I really know the positive effects this is having on you because I too have continued dry January into this month and am feeling great. My friends are saying the same thing to me but in a very jokey way and thankfully it has stayed jokey for me, but I think the jokes for you are long gone.

It can be extremely hard to change anything in your life when you are swimming against the current. It does become noticeably clear when the haze of booze lifts and you notice how much alcohol is in every aspect of our lives in this country — and it is only when you stand back like you’ve done that people can see the big picture.

Your boyfriend is being an ass and that is putting it mildly. He, and not me, should be the person saying ‘well done’ followed by 'what can I do to help you on this journey'. But no, he is saying stuff like ‘you’re no craic’. I would imagine that hit hard especially when he is the one still in bed with a hangover and you’ve just finished a nice walk.

Well, all of the crap is on him, don’t for a second think that you’ve done anything wrong here. Also begging you to have a drink last night, my God that is just sad. What was the point in asking you when he already knew the answer?

Fair play to you, by the way. This shows me that you’re a very strong person.

Just in case people think that I myself have ‘seen the light’ with that part of the answer and that I have gone all anti-booze, I haven’t. But I do think we need to call out bad behaviour and that’s exactly what this is. I’ll probably have a few drinks next weekend as planned, but it will be on my own terms and I won’t be laying in bed feeling sorry for myself the following day. And if you do want to have a drink at any time do — but do it when you want to and not to anybody else’s demands.

I do think you are at a crossroads though, actually, two of them... one with your partner and another with your friends. I would think about the boyfriend one first. You seem really pissed off with his actions of late and rightly so, so you need to think long and hard if you still want to be going out with him. And if you still have strong feelings for him and think he will cop on, then you need to chat with him about what is happening at the moment.

You are no longer interested in an alcohol-filled life and he needs to know this. I would ask him if cutting back on the drink is something he would be interested in, you don’t want to say it out loud: it’s the heavy boozing or you.

I don’t see any problem with him having a few, but I’m not the one going out with him. You need to sit down and ask yourself what you want and take it from there. The current situation is not what you want it to be and nothing will change until you do something. You did say that you don’t have anything in common anymore — you need to find out if this is true. That will be a good test to see if there is anything left in this relationship.

The other crossroad is the ones with your friends, not one of them have said 'well done'. First they were ‘not impressed’ with you and now they are actually getting ‘angry’ with you.

Well, they need to get over themselves. They know who you are, and they also know that you don’t need a drink to go out and enjoy yourself. You do need to tell them that you are sick of the jokes, you are going to have to take a bit of slagging, that’s part of the craic, but you don’t have to listen to it all the time.

I think this should work, you never know... one or two might join you, but all should respect your decision. So, this is more of a ‘crossroads’ unlike the other junction.

Even though you’re only a young one in your late 20s this is a great time to go do as much as you can in life. Before you know it you are unable to do all you wish as life will come in the way. So go walk all the greenways in Ireland, hike up all the beautiful mountains and swim at all the lovely beaches. Do it all. I just wonder who will be with you on this part of the journey. Whoever it will be, make sure they add to what you already have.