A retro love story: Could speed dating and in-person matchmaking be the answer to app fatigue?
On Valentine’s Day, Ireland’s first Matchbox event, a modern-day speed dating ‘party’ from the US, will take place in Dublin.
The grass is green. The sky is blue. People are sick of dating apps. These are all facts.
You’ll hear the odd success story of how your friend’s cousin met their husband on Tinder in 2019 and they just had a gorgeous wedding in Luttrellstown Castle, which will spur you on to keep swiping.
But for most of us, the endless swiping for a few weeks of chat followed by ghosting has its limits. (Though don’t worry, the charmer who ghosted you will continue liking your Instagram story for eternity.)
According to a recent survey by Forbes Health, 80% of Millenials and 79% of Gen Z feel burned out by dating apps, and this is borne out in my own circle of friends.
“I deleted Hinge last month but redownloaded it this week,” one will say. “I don’t know where else I’m supposed to meet single people my age,” another sighs.
With this fatigue brewing in a post-pandemic dating landscape, some are turning to more traditional, or dare I say, retro, ways of meeting potential partners.
According to a report from Eventbrite, speed dating events have spiked in popularity by 63% since 2022.
On Valentine’s Day, Ireland’s first Matchbox event, a modern-day speed dating ‘party’ from the US, will take place in Dublin.
Aimed at those aged 25-45, Emma O’Neill, one of two friends who are bringing the event to Ireland, said the event draws on “relationship psychology and personality insights” to prove successful.
Before the event, singletons are asked to fill out a “science-backed questionnaire” designed to match them with people who align with their values.
“At a Matchbox event, it’s not just you know, Emma and Adele are a match, now off you go. You’re given reasons why you’ve been matched up. You might have the same goals or values, or similar hobbies. They’re also great conversation starters to help build a connection,” O’Neill says.
One person who successfully met someone through speed dating is 39-year-old Rebecca Quinn.
Meeting her now partner of one year at a speed dating night, she shares her delight in pushing past her fears and trying something different.
“It’s a scary thing to put yourself out there,” she begins. “I had tried various apps over the years and had two short-term relationships from them. I had also joined a matchmaking agency. You got some details on the person, but you never saw a picture. So basically, it was a blind date. I decided that neither the apps nor the agency were working for me, so when I saw the speed dating night come up, I figured I’d give it a go. It was something different to do and after trying the other areas, I do think that face to face contact and conversation is important initially.
“I wasn’t sure what to expect,” Quinn admits. “I remember telling myself that if I did match with someone, that would just be a bonus. I told myself if I enjoyed the night and I didn’t match with anyone, then I would go again. Everyone was in the same position as me that night. I feel lucky to have met someone at my first event and someone who I really clicked with. I am so happy to have met my partner. He is 34, and since meeting our relationship has gone from strength to strength. We have the same shared values and we really enjoy our life together.”
With Quinn bringing up the topic of her personal fatigue around dating apps, I can’t help but feel that the premise of speed dating is very similar to swiping on a phone.
There you sit with a limited amount of time to impress someone, vying for their attention and acceptance, hoping you stand out from the herd, before picking up your belongings and moving on to the next best thing.
Dating expert Anne Marie Murray agrees with my slight cynicism, posing the question that maybe dating apps aren’t the problem when it comes to meeting someone, maybe it’s just us?
“Human behaviour being what it is, the patterns of behaviour like poor conversation, low effort and ghosting are not new. Nor are they specific to apps. I think they are just more prevalent on apps,” she shares.
There isn’t a big difference between giving yourself carpal tunnel from swiping left and playing musical chairs at a speed dating event, but the apps are fertile ground for bad etiquette, she suggests.
The non-human nature of using the apps makes it easier to dismiss, reject, or ghost someone. At an in-person event like speed dating, the person you’re chatting with is right there in front of you, making a potential connection more tangible, and less likely to be tossed in the bin when boredom strikes.
If you are considering speed dating, Murray advises that banking on finding the person of your dreams may not be the best mindset to go in with, but instead, be open to anything that might come your way.
“As with all dating, go in non-attached to the outcome. Expect that you might meet someone great, but you might not. I recommend my clients go with the intention of having fun and if you happen to meet someone you’d like to date it’s a bonus! It’s easier said than done but if you can embrace non-attachment to the outcome in dating, you are already streets ahead of the rest.”
Rebecca Quinn echos this, saying that the female friendships she made during her speed dating experience are just as special to her as her partner.
“Before the event started, I got chatting with the two ladies at the tables beside me who were so warm and friendly, we ended up being each other’s supporters and have kept in touch since. So, you may not meet a potential partner at the event, but you could make some new friends.”
As for advice for other people keen to give this new wave dating method a go, Quinn says: “I say go for it. Put yourself out there.
“At the start, it might seem a bit fast-paced as it’s only a few minutes between people switching tables, but you will soon ease into it as it’s a very relaxed and well-run event.”
In the era of dating apps, it’s easy to forget that people are three-dimensional. Taking the time out to attend a speed dating night will at the very least boost your confidence. Extra points if you also meet the person of your dreams.
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