My aerial silks journey: 'I have never felt more connected to my body and femininity'

How the circus art of aerial silks helped Filomena Kaguako embrace her body and her femininity

Filomena Kaguako performing at Aerial Cirque in Exchequer St, Dublin. Picture: Marc O’Sullivan

A little under five years ago, a former colleague of mine showed me a video that I didn’t know would alter the entire trajectory of my physical interests.

In the video, she was hanging about six metres from the ground secured by nothing but the long red silky material wrapped snugly around her horizontally positioned body.

One of her legs was perfectly straight and pointed like the penché of a dainty ballerina, while the other was bent behind her back as though she didn’t have the burden of having a spine. Although she was in quite a complex position, she appeared to be completely at ease and had an air of total serenity.

Witnessing the solace defying gravity appeared to give her made me determined to learn more about a practice I now know to be called aerial silks.

Aerial silks is a circus art that involves climbing, posing, and dropping from long silky fabric in the air. In short, it is a combination of dance and gymnastics that is practised several metres off the ground.

The idea of doing anything remotely complex mid-air may sound intimidating, but it was that very danger that drew me to it to begin with.

I began my official aerial journey in January 2023, in a studio in Dundalk.

Filomena Kaguako: The danger drew me to aerial silks to begin with. Picture: Marc O'Sullivan

I attended a Wednesday evening class every week for about six months before I was ready to take my skills to the next level.

My goal of executing my favourite moves to the best of my ability meant that I had to find the best in the industry. So I signed up for private classes in Aerial Cirque in Dublin with a teacher called Sophia Bikova.

Sophia moves sensually, yet gracefully. Masterfully, yet cautiously. She is the personification of grace. I attribute much of my success to her patience, skills, and unparalleled talent. She has taught me everything I need to know and more about becoming a proficient aerialist, including learning how to trust my body.

Trust is such a huge part of aerial. Not only must you trust that your teacher will spot you properly, or trust that the rigging in the studio is installed correctly, but you have to put a tremendous amount of trust in your intuition.

The trust and love that aerial silks has given me and my body over the last year and a half is unmatched. Prior to being an aerialist, I harboured a lot of negative thoughts about my body, as many young men and women in their twenties do. Most of my insecurities were centred around my femininity. 

Throughout my twenties I felt my broad shoulders made me less feminine. Today, I am proud of my shoulders because strong shoulders and general upper body strength have been integral to my progress in silks. Without them I would struggle to invert my body in the air — something I learned to do seamlessly after only 11 months of training.

Filomena Kaguako: You have to put a tremendous amount of trust in your intuition. Picture: Marc O'Sullivan

Another insecurity was my weight. More specifically, disproportionate weight gain. Rather than gaining weight around my hip area, like women who have that beautiful hourglass figure, I’ve always been more inclined to put on weight around my upper body. 

But aerial has taught me that regardless of where the weight lies or how much it is, the number on the scale pales in comparison to the number of times I can twist my body while doing the splits in the air.

Every soaring insecurity that would rear its head in opportune moments like when I’m shopping for new clothes or wearing a bikini in public has been quietened down because of what I can do in the air. 

Every ounce of confidence that was sucked out of me over the years through toxic relationships has been reignited through silks. The positive feelings I get in the air transcend into various aspects of my life on the ground. I have never felt more connected to my body and
femininity.

According to Jessica Leong, operations manager and aerial instructor at Aerial Cirque, the Irish aerial community is a small but supportive space.

“[The community] has been growing over the last five to 10 years. It’s only recently that more people have started getting into it, with more
studios and classes popping up,” she says.

“In Dublin, the aerial community is super close-knit; most of us know each other and often train at different studios. It’s a really supportive vibe where everyone’s connected.”

Filomena Kaguako: I have never felt more connected to my body and femininity. Picture: Marc O'Sullivan

This is something I resonate deeply with. I feel the whole community is built on a foundation of support. It’s almost as though there is an unwritten rule to clap and cheer for your peers when they succeed at their first sequence or their first unassisted straddle in the air — every part of it is addictive.

But an aerial addiction comes with a price. It comes with a natural inclination to want to indoctrinate anyone you come into contact with into the world of aerial.

I have not yet succeeded in that respect, as most people I have tried to convert find it too unnerving – but maybe this piece will encourage a few more to give this incredible art a go.

However, silks does also have its downsides, most notably, the financial cost. With the average drop-in group class in Dublin costing roughly €30 a lesson or €72 for private tuition, it is an expensive weekly habit.

Filomena Kaguako: It is an expensive weekly habit. Picture: Marc O'Sullivan

There is also the gut-wrenching reality that taking just a few weeks off can have you feeling like you’re back starting from scratch. Consistency is a big part of progressing in silks so even a two-week break can set you back massively. I had that very experience in March when I was forced to take a three-month break due to a health scare.

On the day of my one-year aerial silks anniversary, rather than celebrating such a massive milestone in the studio, I was celebrating a different one — my discharge from Beaumont Hospital after spending a week in ICU and a few nights in a ward.

The three-month break while I focused on fully recovering set me back immensely. I lost my ability to do certain climbs for extended periods of time in the air as well as my invert which had taken me so long to get.

Filomena Kaguako on her aerial silks holiday in Greece. Picture: @filomenakaguako / Instagram

After my hospital discharge I deeply contemplated cancelling a planned silks holiday in June. Hosted by U Can Fly in Kalamata, Greece, it was a small camp of 15 participants from across the globe, based in a Greek studio over an outdoor pool on a boat above blue Mediterranean waters. It was my absolute dream holiday.

But, I went ahead with it. Because if my silks journey up until this point has taught me anything, it’s that it’s not about how I look or how much I can do when my body is elevated in the air, it’s about how it makes me feel when I’m up there — invincible.