Christy Dignam: ‘I've done an awful lot and there's still a little bit more to do’
Aslan singer Christy Dignam spoke to Ryan Tubridy in a raw interview that aired on RTÉ radio. Picture: Photo: Sam Boal/Rollingnews.ie
Aslan's Christy Dignam has opened up about his cancer diagnosis in an emotional chat with Ryan Tubridy. While the singer believes this may be his final interview, he said he will continue to make the most of life until the day his heart stops.
In 2013, the singer revealed that he had been diagnosed with a rare blood disorder cancer. In January of this year, Dignam's family announced that he was receiving palliative care at home.
In the raw interview, Dignam spoke to Ryan Tubridy from the home he shares with his wife Kathryn. The conversation aired on The Ryan Tubridy Show on RTÉ Radio 1 on Monday morning.
But before playing the pre-recorded interview with Dignam, Ryan Tubridy described the Aslan star as “a remarkable person” and while the singer said this may be his final interview, Tubridy said he doesn’t like that description.
“We’ve often joked about him coming into the Late Late Show for the last time, about five times in a row, so I hope on this occasion he’s wrong again,” the presenter said.
Wearing a hoodie and jeans, Tubridy spoke to Dignam from his living room where a medical bed has been set up. “It's a conveyor belt up to heaven," he told the RTÉ presenter
The room looks out onto the front of the Dignam house, and the singer said he often watches people walking by.
"I was sitting here one day a few weeks ago and I was looking out the window and this fella walked by, and I thought to myself, 'I'll never do that again. I'll never just go for a walk...' and that sent me into a spiral and I thought about all the things I won't do again,” the 62-year-old said.
Describing what that spiral is like, he explained: "It's like you're heading into an abyss. I wouldn't be hugely religious. Logic gets in the way. But I believe we're all spiritual beings in one sense or other.
"I remember there used to be an old saying — that 'religion is for people who want to go to heaven, spirituality is for people who have been to hell'. And I really identified with that because when you’ve had rough times, the contrast is so vast that it helps you see the world in a more focused way.”
As he looked back on his life with Tubridy, Dignam said he has had a very full one. “I've done an awful lot and there's still a little bit more to do,” he said.
Recalling the day he was diagnosed with cancer, Dignam explained that he had been getting chest infections and was prescribed antibiotics, but they didn’t seem to be working.
“They sent me to Beaumont for a couple of biopsies and they told me it might be bad news. There might be two cancers: amyloidosis is one of them and multiple myoma is the other or it could be neither.
"The next day, I came in and they told me you've got the two of them...initially, I rejected it and I said to your man, 'you go back to Trinity and get your degrees because you don’t know what you’re talking about'.
"Anyone who has got a cancer diagnosis will understand that denial.”
When asked if he pretended it wasn’t happening, he told Tubridy: "Initially I was so ill I couldn't avoid confronting it. It hit me in the face but when I got a handle on the medication and stabilised the whole thing, I'd live as if there was nothing wrong with me and if something debilitated me, I'd deal with it that day. That's the way it's been."
The singer spoke frankly about dying and leaving his family behind. When asked what jumps out at him when he thinks about life and lets his mind drift, he said: "Just fear, nobody wants to die.
"When I first got diagnosed, I remember praying I was like 'please, just give me 10 more years’ and that 10 years are up now and you're kind of saying, 'I know I only asked for 10 but you couldn't throw another 10 in there could you, yeah?"
Later recalling the time he “flatlined” and was “brought back” in Blanchardstown Hospital, Dignam said he never felt fear like it. One of the things he was most afraid of at that moment was not seeing his family again.
“It's the unknown, I suppose. You know, and this is the end and I’ll never see my grandkids again. I’ll never see Kathryn again.”
One of the happiest moments of his life was the birth of his daughter, Kiera.
“I remember the love hit me that quickly and that suddenly. It nearly knocked me on my feet. Nearly knocked me on my arse. That was an amazing feeling.
“It's a little bit ironic that when I first got diagnosed, I remember thinking... I didn't care where I lived. I didn't care about Aslan. I didn't care about fame — well, I never did care about fame or any of that sh*t — the only thing I cared about was seeing my grandkids for a little bit longer.
“For years I was running around like a blue arse fly wondering what’s life all about? Why are we here? And I used to take drugs to try and find a way or a pathway to the meaning of life and then it was in front of me all the time.
“One thing great about the cancer is it’s great for prioritising you. You’re focusing on what's important, you know. Some of the happiest moments I've had have been since I've been diagnosed, because you appreciate things more.”
As they began to wrap up their conversation, Tubridy asked Dignam if he is happy, sad, or scared. He said: “I’m happy. I get very sad, and I get very scared.”
Asked if he would like to say anything before they bid farewell, Dignam said: “I love you.”
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