Listen — Ask Audrey: A bookshop in Knocknagree? Talk about the worst business idea ever

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

C’mere what’s the story with dirty bulking? The nephew is staying with us at the moment, it’s all off with his old doll and he do be decimated. I heard a noise in the kitchen, middle of the night, I went down in me Liverpool pyjamas expecting the worst, and there he was sitting in the kitchen, eating a 16 inch pizza with extra cheese. I said, Cillian boy, I know your heart is broken, but it will stop altogether if you keep eating like this. He said, no need to worry about me Dowcha Donie, I’m just dirty bulking. I said, that sounds like a saucy website, and he said nah boy, I’m just bulking up for a month and then it will be straight into the gym to take it off for the spring so I’ll be sick on TikTok and get a new partner for the summer time. I said, is there such a thing as clean bulking and he said, there is, but that involves a langerload of peanut butter and I’d a be allergic to it. So like Audrey, should I be worried about him?
— Dowcha Donie, Blackpool

My neighbour is a personal trainer, I could feel him judging me when I wrote a song about tequila called Up Yours, Dry January. I bumped into him there yesterday — deliberately, like, so I could brush up against his gorgeous calf muscle — and asked him if he’d fancy a spot of dirty bulking. He misheard me, thank God, and we’ve started seeing each other. Life’s too short Donie — dirty bulk all you can.