Listen — Ask Audrey: I’m going to put a peninsula in my kitchen. Do you know where I can get one? 

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

It’s getting well -jealous on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Whose Kitchen Cost More Than Your House. (Particularly if you live in Ballinlough — Soz a million about that Audrey, no offence.) Julie_NoOnesFoolie kicked it all off, announcing that she LOST IT when her Interiors Guru presented a kitchen design that came in at under 30k. As she put it on the old WhatsApp, “I fired her ass faster than you can say, 30k for a kitchen, you must think I’m living in Frankfield”. 

Fanny_ProudofMyName said the latest thing on Californian Insta is to have an actual island in your kitchen, rather than the wooden old things they have out in Bishopstown, the ones they sit around sipping white wine from Lidl. Well Google was red hot with us looking where you could buy an island, because it’s an actual turn-on when you get something before your bee-atch of a friend. Hearts broken here this morning, didn’t Amy_NoShamey post a pic of her new kitchen island, freshly minted off the coast of West Cork. I could hardly type “awesome babez, on my way over for shots of Grey Goose”, with all the tears. Well, I’ll tell you, I didn’t get where I am today without determination and private education — so I’ve just figured out what I need to put Amy on her arse. A peninsula. I’m going to put a peninsula in my kitchen. Do you know where I can get one?