Listen — Ask Audrey: Can I not just get langers and hug your old doll?

They call it all-you-can-drink and stop you at 6 pints, that's discrimination

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello, it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. Well actually, make that the Côte d'Azur (I beg your pardon) because Berna and myself are on our annual holiday in the old French Riviera. People get a funny look on them when I say we go to the Riviera on our holidays — I can what they’re thinking, ye’re two menopausal women from north Cork, would it not be more in yeer line to take a week in Medjugorje? Well, shag off with your religion, what we want is some warm air on our legs and a hot waiter flirting with us on the seafront, because you know the way the French are, they’d get up on anything. Well, didn’t we get talking to these two gorgeous Dutch fellas yesterday over our bottle of breakfast rosé, the Dutch are good craic if you can stop yourself from laughing at their accent, which is no joke when you’ve poured a bottle of plonk down on top of an empty stomach. Anyway, we’re meeting them for dinner tomorrow night and I don’t like the look of Berna’s one, but my lad would remind you of the other fella from Wham, Andrew was it? My only problem is they’re in their 30s and there is a small voice in the back of my head going, what are two Dutch hunks doing wining and dining a couple of old biddies from Ballydesmond. (Don’t tell Berna I said that, she still thinks she’s 24.) Do you think I should exercise some caution?

— Rosealeen, Ballydesmond