I rang the Posh Cousin there, she’s born for this. I said, where’s the poshest forest in Cork. She said, Farran Woods but bring a pair of sunglasses. I said, why? She said, you don’t want to make eye contact with someone from Coachford.
My cousin is a HR Manager because she didn’t get the points for arts. I said, what’s your policy about scoring at the Christmas Party. She said, No Culchies - I got it on with a guy from Listowel last year and I still reek of Lynx Africa.
It’s a tricky one. I told my mother the other day, I hate talking to My Conor after sex. She said, why? I said, it takes me ages to find my phone.
If the hipsters are moving in, I’ll go for a free ad myself. For sale, my house in Ballinlough. Will consider swap with place in Bishopstown. It’s that bad.