I spotted this woman on a cargo bike this morning and said, why the smug smile? She said, I’m saving the planet. I said, how? She said, by making everyone else want to leave just to get away from me .
I’m not sure I’m the right person to be giving you advice. The only time I stick to my own bed is after a session with Luigi from the pizza place in Ballintemple. #SweatyBetty
I rang the Posh Cousin there and said, do you think Killian is planning to have an affair? She said, no. I said, how do you know? She said, he’s already having one, I’ll get him to call you when he comes out of the shower.
My neighbour loves daytime drinking , we call her Slurry Murray. I said, what do you think of Crunch. She said, it’s a total joke. I said, starting too early? She said, no, eating is cheating, hilaire, let’s drink mojitos. #AnyExcuse.