Ask Audrey: 'How do you get people from Kerry to stop talking about Kerry?'

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello, it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. Isn’t it the way that my phone number is one digit off the number of a local hairdresser, with the result that the fecking thing is hopping all day with fat-fingered eejits from Scartaglin looking for an appointment and roaring crying down the line at me because their hair is a fright? 

I was rude the first few times because you only have to give one ounce of encouragement to a Kerry person and they’ll think they have a friend for life, ringing you up looking for sca and the like. But then I said, cop yourself on Rosealeen, you’re as thick as the man from Millstreet, passing up a business opportunity. So didn’t I start saying, give me your address there and I’ll call out to give you a quick cut. I was worried I’d make a hames of it, but it looks like I have the knack, and aren’t they referring me to friends all over the Kingdom, the savages.