Joanna Fortune: I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it all when my baby arrives

Do involve your older children in caring for the new baby. File picture: iStock 

My third child is due in six weeks, and I’m about to start maternity leave. My five-year-old started school in September and the three-year-old is at playschool three mornings a week, which puts some structure on their day. However, I’m not sure how I’ll manage to juggle it all once the baby arrives. My husband often has to travel for work, so I can’t rely on him. I know my mother’s generation managed to do it all but I’m exhausted even thinking about it. What would you suggest?

Juggle is the perfect word — you are holding a lot in mind right now. As you prepare for your new baby, you are turning your focus to expanding your family circle to welcome this new arrival. This is appropriate but, of course, it also brings into sharp focus all those already in the circle, what their needs are now and will be when this new family member moves in.

It’s likely that a lot of your family and friends will ask you to “let us know if we can help” or “do you need anything?” and it is important that you get comfortable saying, “Yes, please, it would be really helpful if you could…” and be specific. Perhaps ask for some dinners for your freezer, for someone to take your older children out to the park for an hour or so, or to help you with the cleaning or laundry.

Keep in mind the old saying: "It takes a village to raise a child". In the same spirit, activating your support network is essential.

You say your husband travels often for work but what are the practical actions he can take when he is at home, around housekeeping, meal prep, and getting your older children up and out for a day at the weekend, so you have some downtime? Does he have access to paternal leave in the first few weeks after the baby’s arrival?

You already have a busy, active family home. It is about to get busier, so you need structure and planning to avoid feeling overwhelmed. No doubt you will adjust to parenting three young children but adjustment is a process, so go gently with yourself and ensure you are giving yourself plenty of time to feel your way through.

• Do involve your older children in caring for the new baby — give them little jobs (holding the nappies, bringing the nappy bag to the bin, singing a song to the baby while you change or bathe them, etc).
• Chisel out minutes of one-to-one time — this could be the walk to or from pre-school while the baby is asleep in the buggy, or a few minutes to sit with the five-year-old to do homework. This ensures your other children feel heard and supported during this transition.
• Eat well and take care of yourself — in planning to manage and care for everyone else, ensure you are caring for yourself, or this will all be so much harder.
• Establish a routine that works for you — routine brings structure, which gives us all a semblance of control when everything can feel chaotic around us.
• Get out and about — on those days when it all feels ‘too much’, get outdoors with everyone. Walk to the park and sit while the older two run and play and burn off some energy. Moving outdoors is a great way to reset overwrought brains.
• Ask for help.

You might find this episode of my podcast helpful

If you have a question for child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]