Joanna Fortune: My son was spoiled while on holidays with a friend's well-off family 

Why not give your teenager the benefit of the doubt and say he has a classic case of the grass being greener in pastures new, even if he is dealing with it clumsily? 

My 14-year-old son is just back from holidays with his best friend’s family. They are well-off, and he was spoiled while with them. 

Since he returned home, he’s hardly stopped complaining about how poor we are and that we never have any fun. 

His dad and I work full-time, but it’s a push every month to pay all the bills. We’re planning a weeklong staycation next month, which he says is “pathetic”. 

I’m beginning to wish he had never gone away with his friend in the first place.

You probably know that feeling when you come home from a brilliant holiday and everything at home feels anti-climactic and dull in comparison to the experiences you’ve had on holiday. It’s often referred to as “post-holiday blues”. 

You might also have noticed the critical attitude of a person who has lived overseas for a year or more, who can’t help but point out all the flaws they see in their homeplace compared to life overseas.

Why not give your teenager the benefit of the doubt and say he has a classic case of the grass being greener in pastures new, even if he is dealing with it clumsily? 

By clumsy, I mean he is being somewhat rude and dismissive. Although you may understand where his attitude is coming from, it can be very difficult to take from him.

I’m not sure how long he has been back from this luxurious holiday, but give him some leeway of two to three weeks. 

That said, you can gently call it out during this time by saying, for example, “It sounds like an amazing holiday, we’re so glad we could support you in having that experience”.

As time goes on, be more direct: “You know we are glad you had such a great time with your friend and his family, and it has been lovely to hear all about it, but the way you are comparing our home and our holiday to theirs is coming across as rude.” 

And then call him out each time: “You’re doing it again, you’re being rude about our home and holiday plans, please stop”.

He’s 14 years old and he can understand the reality of family life. Consider waiting until things are calm, and take him out for a drive to talk to about how all families are different. 

Remind him that he is loved, cared for, and that his parents work full-time to ensure all of his needs can be met. Acknowledge that you may not always have the means to provide him with luxuries and expensive holidays, but his needs will always be met.

Talk to him about how much you are all looking forward to your own family holiday, and that it is hurtful when he talks so negatively and dismissively about your plans.

Tell him that you see the time away as an opportunity to spend time together as a family, enjoying each other’s company, and it’s really important that he understands and respects this for the rest of your family. 

You don’t want this to sound like you’re scolding or lecturing him, but you need to be direct about it.

Do something nice together afterwards so that he knows he isn’t in trouble (for example, get an ice-cream or bag of chips on the way home). 

Consider involving him in selecting some activities for your holiday (only offer options within budget, and he can choose within those parameters), as this can help bring him on board with your holiday.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]