Joanna Fortune: I'm worried about my parents-in-law going on holiday with us — what should I do?

Joanna Fortune: "A holiday is supposed to give us all a break from day-to-day life. It’s a change of environment, a chance to broaden our field of vision and reset our busy, task-oriented brains as we exhale and recharge our emotional batteries."

My parents-in-law are going on holiday with us to help us mind our young children. It’s very generous of them, but my mother-in-law tends to be quite bossy, though I know she means well. 

We’ve never had an argument, but I’m worried that living together for 10 days may put our relationship under strain. What would you suggest?

Grandparents are from an era when parenting styles were different, so hold this in mind and aim to keep those doors of communication open. Flexible boundaries and structure will be crucial to ensure you all come home, not only speaking to each other, but feeling like you all had a break during this holiday.

Differing viewpoints and expectations can have a significant impact on family dynamics, so having a pre-prepared line in mind to say when you feel yourself becoming irked or feeling judged could help short-circuit any tensions. 

Try something like: “That’s a good suggestion, thank you. This is what we know works best with our children. We appreciate your support so much.” And pick your battles, sometimes the art of biting your lip and letting the small stuff go is the best option. An inter-generational holiday requires compromise.

A family holiday requires a multi-layered planning approach. Before we pack our bags, we consider where we are going and for how long, as well as what each of us can do individually and together as a family. 

Since your in-laws are with you, consider involving them in the planning discussion. Arrange a big family day out and perhaps an evening or two when you and your partner can spend quality time together, connecting, sightseeing, or relaxing. Then return that favour by booking a nice restaurant for your in-laws to enjoy a dinner apart from you all for some of the evenings.

During the day, choose whole-family activities that are suitable for all ages and set the pace for all to enjoy together. Shared activities are opportunities for grandparents and grandchildren to connect and create memories.

A holiday is supposed to give us all a break from day-to-day life. It’s a change of environment, a chance to broaden our field of vision and reset our busy, task-oriented brains as we exhale and recharge our emotional batteries. The best way to achieve all of this is quite simply to play.

Look at this as an opportunity to start new traditions, such as a family game night every few days. Building sandcastles, splashing and chasing through waves, kicking a ball between you, toasting marshmallows at a barbecue or campfire while sharing stories and jokes to create memories that last a lifetime. They are also experiences that will strengthen and enhance our relationship with our children.

Playing with our children conveys to them that they have our full attention and that we enjoy being with them, and it teaches them how enjoyable they are, which in turn builds their self-esteem and confidence.

Time spent with family in a playful and connected way stimulates our social, emotional, cognitive, and physical connections and interactions with each other. A family holiday is an opportunity to strengthen our relationships with each other while also nurturing our children’s developing brains.

Your in-laws are there to help you, so let them know what will be helpful and ensure they feel appreciated along the way. Enjoy your holiday together.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to: [e-mail]