Joanna Fortune: My child is haunted by a nightmare 

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A year ago, my nine-year-old had a bad dream. In the dream, she was in the hall and stairs area of our house, and a scary character teased and stopped her on the stairs. Now she’s afraid to go out to the hallway or upstairs or into dark rooms on her own. What would you suggest?

Nightmares are not unusual in childhood and it is common for children to have bad dreams about things like:

Real dangers: Sharks, animal predators, snakes, spiders, a world event like war or earthquakes they have heard about on the news

Imaginary fears: Monsters, zombies, and witches

Traumatic/distressing experiences: If a child has had a traumatic experience in life, they may carry this into their dreams

Nightmares can happen at any age but seem to be especially common between ages eight and ten. They tend to occur in the second half of the night, and if woken, some children will struggle to get back to sleep.

The scary feelings these dreams generate can linger long after waking up. Depending on their age and developmental capacity, children often tell their parents about the dream in detail.

It can be helpful if we gently bring them through the frightening story to a place where they can think differently about it.

With this in mind, invite your daughter to talk about her dream in as much detail as possible and listen without judgment and without minimising or dismissing her fears. Avoid saying, “But you know that would never really happen”, or “Monsters aren’t real, so don’t worry about that”, because although monsters are not real, they can still be scary. Instead, reflect the emotional tone of what is shared: “You had a bad dream, and it has left you feeling really scared”.

I suggest you talk to her about how a dream is a little like a movie, and just as all movies have directors, she is the director of her dream.

Tell her that directors get to yell ‘Cut’, delete a scene they don’t want in the movie, and replace it with a new scene. Give her paper and markers and ask her to draw in detail the scariest part of her dream.

Look at this drawing together and talk about it. Then, invite her to rip it up and throw it away while saying ‘Cut’. Now, ask her to draw a new picture using lots of detail to show what would need to happen in this dream to turn it into a good dream. Look and talk about this drawing. Stick it on the wall close to her bed where she will see it going to sleep and waking up.

You can also practice her going into the hallway or upstairs alone by playing Marco Polo with her.

She goes upstairs and calls out Marco as she goes, and you stay in earshot, replying to Polo each time she says Marco. This lets her know that while she is alone, you are still close by and connected.

As it’s been a year since she had the upsetting nightmare, you might consider bringing her to a child psychotherapist or play therapist for additional support.

• For more on this topic, check out my podcast: exa.mn/15-Minute-Parenting-Nightmares
• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]