Joanna Fortune: How can I prepare my son for playschool?

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My three-year-old son is starting playschool next month. He goes to the childminder on the days I go to work and has settled in well with the two other children. What steps can I take to prepare him for the big change ahead?

What an exciting milestone for you both. Given he is managing to get along with the other children in his childminder group, the transition to playschool is already underway.

His adjustment period isn’t just for the first day — it is also the weeks after as he realises that this is a daily event and he needs to settle into a new routine where there are more demands on him.

Here are some practical steps you can take in the coming weeks:

• Start by telling him how he has grown up and developed over the past. three years, be specific in your reflections, recalling things he can do now that he could not do for himself even six months ago
• Find ways to offer him choices — do this within your parental structure, ie never ask a toddler what they would like to drink but ask if they would like milk or water. They still get to choose, but you avoid a battle over a sugary drink that was never an option.
• Find ways to afford him more responsibility — give him chores (putting his jammies under his pillow, straightening the duvet, bringing laundry to the laundry basket, carrying his dish over to the sink).
  
• Ensure he can manage the toilet independently and can wash his hands himself.
  
• Speak about school as a fun and exciting place.
  
• When school starts, ask him each day what his best bit was and what bit he wished he could change. You might add what made him laugh, what made him frown, what made him curious, etc.

Fill his pockets with kisses and tell him he can pull out a kiss from you any time he needs it during the day and invite him to fill your pockets with his kisses.

On his first day, get up 15 minutes earlier to ensure there is no rush that morning. Play music in the kitchen and sing songs while having breakfast and getting ready.

Speak positively about the day ahead and play a game of something like I-Spy (pick colours at this age, for example, I spy something green) on the way to preschool.

Don’t forget to mind yourself — these transitions for our children can also bring up big feelings in parents. Once you have dropped him off that first day, arrange to meet someone for coffee and cake and talk about how you are feeling (even if it’s to share that you feel great to be getting these three hours back to yourself each day).

Essentially, be gentle with yourself on his first days because even when we know they are ready and they bound in the door happily with barely a wave back to us, it is a big transition when our small children take this step.

If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]