Joanna Fortune: My teens only want to sit in front of their screens during the holidays

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I love the week after Christmas Day but my teenage kids see it as an excuse to sit in front of their screens all day and night. I’d love us to play board games and spend time together, but I know they will refuse. Last year, I insisted they went for a daily walk, which they grudgingly agreed to on the condition they went by themselves. Am I fighting a losing battle?

I imagine your question will resonate with many parents of teenagers because what feels like a lovely opportunity for family time for us is not how our teenagers view the holiday period.

Teenagers prioritise time and communication with their friends over time with family. Still, family time spent enjoying each other’s company is important and worthwhile for everyone.

Going for a walk isn’t all that enticing for teenagers. I wonder if you took a different approach, saying you wanted to go for a walk and needed their help to stay motivated. It would be great if they could accompany you to ensure you get out each day. You could also ask if they would like to get a coffee or hot chocolate with you —the fact you will walk there is secondary.

You could also start a new holiday tradition whereby you take turns nominating (so long as it is suitable for each family member) a movie to watch together, and whoever selects it is also responsible for making or organising the treats of their choice for everyone to share.

Getting family board games is a good idea and not as dull as it may sound as many excellent and engaging games are available. The Irish-owned and run store Cogs Toys and Games has a rich selection, and its staff is knowledgeable and happy to make recommendations. (See www.cogstoysandgames.ie)

I also suggest you look for opportunities to express interest in what interests your teenagers because this helps to reinforce that they are interesting people.

It may not be the walk or game you are aiming for, but it is a moment of meeting (connection) and an opportunity for shared joy (to laugh together and enjoy being together even briefly), and this is valuable.

Christmas is bigger than just one day, it is a holiday season. St Stephen’s Day still affords you opportunities to involve your teenagers more actively.

Here are some suggestions:

*Young people this age have a pronounced sense of justice and fairness in the world, so give them a budget and let them compile a donation box of items for a local soup kitchen/homeless shelter/domestic violence refuge, etc.

*Set a family challenge that you all take a daily sea swim/walk/hike and have a reward for those who complete it.

* Ask each member of the family to make a creative (but it has to be edible and tasty) leftover sandwich. Cut them up as a selection so everyone can participate in a 'Bake Off' style taste test.

Christmas is a time for family but it is also a time for rest. Your children may well view this as their break from the demands of school and term-time obligations and resent what they perceive as more demands from you. The best approach is a playful one and snatching moments with them rather than big day-long plans. It’s a case of making it fun to get it done and finding the path of least resistance.

If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]