Julie Jay: My under-eye bags are so pronounced I would be charged for extra luggage on a flight

Such is my level of baby-brain that I should not be operating heavy machinery, which is my justification for not staying on top of the hoovering

When Fred has had the audacity to yawn in my presence, I have reminded him how I have a lot more reason than him to yawn because being a martyr is my love language.

THIS is the week where I have descended into a sleep-deprivation haze, which I can only liken to the opening scene in Apocalypse Now, when our war veteran protagonist is delirious to the point of hallucination. 

I am absolutely exhausted, even more so than when I thought it was a good idea to save on accommodation in London by heading straight from the nightclub to the airport where I slept on a chair until my 6am flight. (This is what the kids today would call ‘a life hack’).