Joanna Fortune: My son is very jealous of his younger brother 

It can be difficult to explain abstract concepts like “it was an accident or unintentional” to a young child but using play to communicate this might be more effective.

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My firstborn is about to turn five. He is sometimes contrary, like things his own way, and is very jealous of his almost three-year-old brother. Last week at a birthday party, he and his friend clashed heads by accident. He never stopped talking about this all evening and kept asking me why his friend hurt him. I explained that it was an accident, but all he kept saying was how he was going to hurt him when he got back to play school. I was shocked. I wonder if this behaviour is normal. He seems to be oversensitive.

It sounds as though your son was shocked by the accident and cannot quite understand what happened. In the longer version of your letter, you refer to his jealousy towards his younger brother and wanting what he has. He may be accustomed to you telling him to leave his brother alone — fighting, taking things from him, upsetting him etc. But in the party incident, he perceives he is the one who has had something done to him — this little friend has hurt him and he is the victim deserving of your sympathy.