Joanna Fortune: How can I get my six-year-old to stop picking his nose? 

Nose picking is one of the most common habits parents ask me about.

My six-year-old son constantly picks his nose. I’ve told him it’s unhygienic and rude, but he says he can’t stop. Should I ignore it in the hope he grows out of the habit?

Nose picking is one of the most common habits parents ask me about. It can start for practical reasons such as allergies, or having a cold or stuffed nose, so always begin by addressing possible physical causes.

Avoid shaming or scolding — remember that you cannot discipline or ‘consequence’ a habit away. Seek instead to minimise the habit. Watch for a pattern, when the behaviour is most prevalent (tired, bored, worried) — and respond to the child’s underlying emotional and physical states as a priority rather than to the overt behaviour.

Otherwise, use distraction and redirection, praising whatever play or work keeps their hands busy.

When you see your son starting to poke around his nose, ask him to wash his hands and help you with something in the kitchen or to sit and play hand-stack/thumb wrestling or a hand-clapping game.

Develop a non-verbal cue and let him know that when he sees you pat your head, it means his finger has wandered up his nose again and he needs to stop.

Always focus on what you want to see rather than what you don’t.

Habits are comforting for children, and most will work themselves out developmentally.

They become aware that picking their nose in public is not socially acceptable, and will stop doing it.

Most habits are far from pathological, and even the grosser ones are usually transient and will disappear over time. Some will need our input to break, or at least short-circuit.

But let’s pause to reflect on the benefits of habit formation.

Think about something you found challenging when you first started to learn it. Perhaps it is the run without which you can’t imagine your daily routine, the morning or evening mindfulness practice, or yoga.

At first, this may have been challenging, and something you had to motivate or push yourself to do but over time, with consistent practice, you now do it without the initial resistance, and even enjoy it.

This positive habit formation grows stronger over time, becoming a default behaviour, a part of you and your daily life.

Habits are important and powerful because they create neurological cravings in our brain or impulses whereby a particular type of behaviour triggers pleasure chemicals in the reward centre of our brains. They make us feel good and what feels good, we will keep doing.

This win-win outcome applies to positive habits.

But, we are all also capable of forming negative habits.

Sometimes we do things that seem to bother others more than they bother us and, as is often the case with children, we may not even be aware that what we are doing is upsetting someone else.

I suggest you listen to this episode from my 15-Minute Parenting podcast series.

If you have a question for child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]