There is a perfect time to shower — and it’s not when you think

In the data-driven, optimisation-obsessed corner of the internet, everything has its optimal moment, and washing is no exception

The best time to have a shower — first-thing in the morning or before bed in the evening?

One of my favourite things to do in my middle age is lie on the sofa eating crisps while googling low-effort ways to optimise my life.

Thanks to data-driven obsessives online, I have discovered that there is an optimal time at which to do everything.

Exercising in the afternoon, for example, may reduce the risks of early death more than a morning or evening workout.

Delaying your morning coffee until two hours after waking improves cognition and energy, according to Andrew Huberman, a controversial neurobiologist and podcaster who has developed a cult following for his health and fitness 'protocols'.

As for the best time to have a shower? I’m glad you asked. I have done extensive research on the matter — and it’s complicated.

Like the orientation of toilet paper, shower times are surprisingly divisive. One group swears you need a morning shower to make the most of your day. The evening team, on the other hand, holds that anyone who doesn’t wash before bed is a grimy heathen whose sheets are besmirched by filth. Some people — compromisers — suggest you can get the best of both worlds by abluting twice a day. An equally passionate camp warns that this will dry out your skin and hike up your water bill.

According to one poll, there is a gendered aspect to this divide: men are more likely to wash in the morning than women.

Do scientists have a definitive answer to this question?

I’m afraid not. The consensus seems to be: do whatever suits you best. That said, there are some no-nos. One “health and wellness” expert said on the website Bustle: “There are few benefits to showering in the middle of the day … in terms of hygiene, it’s practically irrelevant.”

As a freelancer who works at home and frequently showers in the middle of the day, I take serious offence at this. The midday shower is criminally underrated. It relaxes you after a morning of work and gives you a little energy boost just as the afternoon lull is about to set in. And it’s an excellent way to procrastinate.

— Guardian