Workplace Wellbeing: The pressure of being a perfectionist 

A drive to get everything right can drive us to succeed at work but it can also make it difficult to accept our mistakes and fearful of trying new things 

Perfectionists often have unrealistically high standards, which can be counterproductive. Pic: iStock

PERFECTIONISM might just be our favourite flaw. It’s certainly one often mentioned in job interviews when people are asked to name one of their weaknesses. That’s because many of us see it as a strength in disguise, a characteristic that pushes us to perform at our optimum level at work. However, this personality trait is far more complicated than a commitment to a high work standard.

“Perfectionism is innate in all of us, creating a desire for growth and self-improvement,” says counselling and organisational psychologist Margaret Forde. “Think of toddlers: one minute, they’re racing around on all fours, and the next, something inside prompts them to get up and start walking even though it’s slower to start with. That desire is to be encouraged.”

It’s a motivating force in the workplace too, according to executive coach Melissa Stone. “Being a perfectionist drives high performance,” she says. “At work, the perfectionist is often the go-to person in terms of their knowledge and their commitment to achieve. People rely on them because they know the perfectionist rarely lets anyone down.”

But there is a flip side. “Having high standards and striving to achieve them is one thing but having unrealistically high standards and being devastated when you cannot achieve them is quite another,” says Forde.

“Most of us can find ways of accepting and learning from our failures but perfectionists find this difficult. Their self-worth rests on over-achieving and they can become fearful of failure to the extent that they are afraid to try new things. They can procrastinate over work, which leads to not getting it done on time. Their desire to impress can hold them back and lead to underperforming.”

Perfectionism can also negatively impact their health. “Because of their relentless pursuit of unreasonable excellence, perfectionists are typically overly critical of themselves,” says Stone. “Research shows that over time, this can have severe physiological consequences for their wellbeing, causing stress, anxiety, insomnia and sleepless nights, burnout, depression, cardiovascular problems, a compromised immune system and gastrointestinal issues.”

Eimer Lyons, Wellrise Coaching. Pic: Bryan James Brophy.

Leads to procrastination

Self-confessed perfectionist Eimer Lyons has experienced the positive and negative effects of this personality trait.

“Perfectionism is a two-sided coin for me,” says the 42-year-old Dubliner who spent 20 years working in the corporate world before retraining as a wellbeing coach and founding Wellrise Coaching. “It can be a great motivator, especially when I’m familiar with and skilled in the work I’m expected to do.”

However, her perfectionism can be debilitating when the work is unfamiliar. “It can slow me down or stop me in my tracks as getting things started or finished can be a challenge,” she says. “It leads me to procrastinate and second-guess myself. That’s when negative thoughts such as fear, anxiety and shame creep in and I start feeling like a failure before I’ve even started.”

Research carried out at York St John University in Britain in 2011 shows how detrimental performance perfectionism can be. Instead of inspiring us to try our best, it can obstruct us from trying.

The study involved cyclists who set a goal they could comfortably expect to achieve. These cyclists were then told they had failed to achieve that goal and were asked to try again. Those who had scored low for perfectionism put in the same effort or a little more. However, the performance of the cyclists who had scored high for perfectionism plummeted. They experienced such profound feelings of shame on failure they decided it was better not to try rather than risk failing again.

“This study goes to show that perfectionism isn’t necessarily a good thing,” says Forde. “It can actually prevent us from achieving in life.”

However, strategies for managing perfectionism can make it possible to harness its positive aspects while mitigating its negative ones.

Stone recommends starting by admitting that you are a perfectionist. “Awareness is key and will help you to understand your own behaviours,” she says.

Then take time to reflect on the damage perfectionism is doing to your life, work and wellbeing. “This will help you identify the behaviours you want to change.”

As you list those behaviours, decide on an action you can take to change them. “It can be as simple as deciding that you’re no longer going to work late or you’re going to take a break for lunch,” says Stone.

“You’re 42% more likely to achieve a goal if you write it down, so be as specific as you can when making your list. Attach a realistic timeline to these actions too. You will be able to do some straight away, while others will take time.”

Forde stresses the need for balance. “Try to move away from the all-or-nothing thinking that tells you a job isn’t done if it’s not done perfectly,” she says. “Cognitively, we all know that’s not true. Unless you’re a neurosurgeon, good enough is usually good enough.”

Margaret Forde, counselling and organisational psychologist

Practising self-compassion can help us to gain this perspective. “We can be much harder on ourselves than we are on others,” says Forde. “The next time you start speaking harshly to yourself, ask yourself if you would speak that way to a friend. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. That should help you to accept that all you can ever do is the best you can with the time and other resources you have at your disposal.”

Another tip is to focus on the process rather than the outcome. “Dividing tasks into smaller steps makes it easier to avoid procrastinating,” says Forde. “It also allows you to celebrate small wins as you go, motivating you to keep going.”

And it helps to reframe failures and mistakes. “Perfectionists tend to catastrophise the impact of their mistakes,” she says. “This is understandable as when we make a mistake, the amygdala region of our brain sets off an alarm which causes emotions to sweep through us, cutting off the more analytical part of our brain so that we lose our sense of proportion.

“We need to learn to take a reality check when this happens, to separate ourselves from the emotion of the moment and realise that it’s temporary. We need to breathe and tell ourselves that everyone makes mistakes and there are often important lessons we can learn as a result.”

A lifelong process

Keeping your perfectionism in check will be a long-term, and even lifelong project. “You’ve been in the habit of behaving in a certain way for many years and all change takes time,” says Stone. “Stay focused and you will get there but deciding that you’re no longer going to be a perfectionist doesn’t mean you’re going to have a personality transplant. You’re still going to be a high-performing individual. You’ll just feel more in control and have boundaries in place to manage your habitual need to overperform unnecessarily.”

Lyons recognises that she needs to control her perfectionism and practices many techniques to do so. She tries to be aware of her inner dialogue and challenges thoughts that tell her she’s not good enough. Big projects are broken down into bite-sized goals, and she is working on accepting her mistakes, viewing them as opportunities to learn and develop. She also talks through her feelings with someone she trusts whenever she feels overcome by fear, anxiety or shame.

“My perfectionism is a strength and a weakness,” she says. “It’s part of my personality but also something I need to actively manage and work on. For me, it’s all about trying to achieve a balance between striving for excellence and accepting imperfection.”