Richard Hogan: Workplace bullies are always found out — here's how to cope in the meantime

Here's my advice if you find yourself becoming consumed with anxiety and uncertainty when the boss starts to pick on you

Richard Hogan: 'We have probably all worked for a petty tyrant. That person who uses their little scrap of power to wreak havoc in people’s lives.'

Many people who get into leadership roles lack the skills necessary to lead people.

We are surrounded in modern times and through history with examples of really bad leaders. It is probably harder to list great leaders than bad ones.

Many of those who go for high positions are driven by ego more than any desire to help and nurture those they will lead. We all know what makes a bad leader — someone who has inner circles, low competency, low self-esteem, poor awareness, someone who talks about the staff behind their backs, diminishes people, targets those they deem enemies and tries to make their life miserable, has favourites, and rewards some while castigating others.

We have probably all worked in some ways for a leader that did some of those things to us. We have probably all worked for a petty tyrant. That person who uses their little scrap of power to wreak havoc in people’s lives.

I meet it so often in my clinic. Clients consumed with anxiety and uncertainty because their boss has started to pick on them. It can be such a destructive thing for an organisation to have a leader that lacks the skills to motivate staff and treat people fairly and equitably. It can also destroy the peace and wellbeing of colleagues who have to work with someone like that.

The petty tyrant is an emotionally over-reactive type of person, constantly acting with kneejerk speed when their emotions are roused. Everything will be perceived through the lens of personal slight. If you should dare question them, you are trying to make them look foolish. Now you shall feel their full wrath for this transgression.

Working for someone like this will change the neurochemistry in your brain. You will become more fearful, cortisol will fire and this will make you foggy in your thinking, and more likely to make a mistake in your work. This type of environment has a high turnover of staff.

Christmas parties become soulless events, people stop going out and socialising together as staff are unsure who they should talk with. There are rumours some bring stories back to the boss — no one feels free to express themselves. A telling society like this kills collegiality, and morale.

Richard Hogan: 'We all know what makes a bad leader... someone who has inner circles, low competency, low self-esteem, poor awareness, someone who talks about the staff behind their backs, diminishes people, targets those they deem enemies and tries to make their life miserable, has favourites, and rewards some while castigating others.'

You might wonder why someone would want to create this type of atmosphere. Well, they act like this because they believe if the staff are divided and suspicious of each other, they won’t be united in their opposition to their destructive machinations. It’s the old divide-and-conquer mentality that is so destructive for an organisation’s wellbeing.

Competency and confidence often appear the same when it comes to an interview. This means if someone exhibits confidence it can get misconstrued for competence.

Narcissism is often at the centre of a boss like this, and narcissists believe they should be the ones in charge. They also believe they are right in whatever tactic they use to punish a staff member they see as difficult.

They have an inflated sense of self, and a grandiosity that is difficult to be around. They also lack empathy, which makes them very dangerous if they focus on you. They don’t consider the toll their behaviours are having on you and your family. They act with impunity, bringing misery and upset into the lives of those stuck working in their dark orbit.

If you are working for someone like this, I would always advise making notes of what they say to you. Be precise, get the time, who was there in the meeting and what they said. Silence and fear are what allows someone like this thrive. 

Organisations have moved on in their thinking — a bully should not be given free rein to torment their staff. Document everything, so when you go to HR you have very organised and well-notated evidence of their behaviour. This will significantly help you make your case.

Constant criticism is designed to annihilate your self-esteem. Don’t give them that power. See them for what they are: fragile, small people trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down.

Limit your contact with them — when they exclude you from meetings document it, and when they send you an email save it.

It is also good to try to find allies, everyone will know the boss is toxic but they might be afraid to speak out. The more you align with others the more power you take from the boss.

If you decide to go to HR or upper management, calmly stick to the facts and not the boss’s character. Through your demeanour show them you are a reasonable person who has had unreasonable demands and behaviours levelled at you.

Do your best to not bring the situation home with you. Take off your lanyard, or go for a walk when you get home to allow you process what is happening in work. Never give a petty tyrant access to your relationship with your family. Consign them to where they belong.

We have all met people in life that try to exert power over us, sometimes they might be our boss, but they are not as powerful as they think they are... and in my experience they are always found out.