Ask Audrey: My cousin became a poet because he wanted to get off with women half his age

That's Cork sorted now ...

C’mere, what’s the story with being controlled by China. The cousin do be sharing some mad stuff on Facebook there about the Chinese government hacking into our brains using 5g masts. He met a guy from the Chinese Embassy in Hillbilly’s one night after a feed of drink, and your man confirmed that his political masters had tried to take controls of our brains with spice bags, but it didn’t work. So now, they have invented this virus to make us all stay at home so they can put up 5g masts. Matt Damon is in on it too, along with Miriam O’Callaghan and your man Franc that does the weddings. It do sound a bit far-fetched to me, but I don’t want to be an eejit either, do you know that kind of a way? So is my cousin right or what like? Dowcha Donie, Blackpool.