has been sorting out Cork people for ages...
More than once I’d say. #SirHenrys I rang my Posh Cousin and said, how would you persuade someone you’re from West Cork. She said, start every sentence with ‘I suppose’ and throw people off-guard by pretending your IQ is 30 points lower than it actually is. I said, is it possible to have a negative IQ? #PoshDubs
My friend is a go-to expert on the Norries. (She has a PhD on the majorettes.) I said, what would be a typical northsider response to yoga shout-outs from some guy in Ballintemple. She said, unrepeatable.
No can do - I’m more than 2km from Turner’s Cross, thank God. This Italian Adonis jogged past my front gate yesterday, so I legged it out and started jogging two metres behind him. He slowed down around Douglas Road and said, I’m getting stiff. I said, it’s not the best chat-up line I’ve ever heard, but it will do.
My nephew is in the Guards, very handy if you have a few penalty points that need to disappear. I said, are ye expecting a traffic surge around Mallow this weekend? He said yes, but don’t worry, we won’t let anyone escape.
I rang a random number in Schull there and said, how do you feel about posh rich types invading West Cork for the weekend? The person at the other end said, I rather suspect you might be asking the wrong person old bean, try another number and see if you can get one of the Paddys. #RuleBritannia