Sex file: No need to bristle if things get hairy in the bedroom

Suzi Godson offers up some relationship advice.

My husband was clean shaven for our first 10 years together, but now he has grown a trendy beard. It looks great and I fancy him more, but in certain positions during foreplay it’s scratchy and uncomfortable.

After 10 years of marriage your husband’s adventure in beard-land is probably a bid for attention.

Depending on how they are styled, beards communicate a number of personas: hipster, philosopher, wild man, hippy, artist or freedom fighter.

In the same way that some women might use hair and make-up, male facial hair provides clues about a man’s identity that would not be apparent from his bare face. I think your husband is trying to tell you something.

In the middle ages and the Renaissance, beards were a sign of virility, but the 20th century was largely clean-shaven. In 2007, beards came back in force and since then, they have proved to be a surprisingly persistent male fashion trend.

I suspect it is because a decent beard also disguises a multitude of sins.

A bushy beard makes the male jawline appear bigger and can compensate for thinning on top. It’s also true that not all men can grow beards, so a man who is able to go full bush will often do so just because he can, and having a beard is a clear visual affirmation of masculinity.

The fact that you fancy your husband more with a beard more suggests that his attempt to reassert himself as a vigorous male has largely been successful.

However, it sounds as if there is still a bit of snagging to do in terms of texture and trim. Short beards can often look better, but they feel more stubbly and more scratchy, whereas longer beards tend to be softer.

When it comes to sex, facial hair can add an extra level of sensation, but facial hair should feel more like fur than a sweeping brush, and this is particularly important during oral sex.

A dry, stubbly beard can be horribly abrasive and cause chafing, which can be very uncomfortable indeed.

One way to avoid beard burn is to use lots of lubricant to protect your skin from abrasion, even if it does mean your husband looks like a wet bearded collie when he comes up for air.

The brand Sliquid offers tangerine, strawberry-pomegranate and cherry vanilla flavours, but make sure to choose something you both like because when you kiss him afterwards you’ll be getting a secondary hit.

After sex, beards hold a residue of bodily fluids in a way that smooth skin doesn’t, so beard hygiene is very important.

Beards harbour bacteria, and the scent of you, plus him, plus cherry vanilla lube will linger in his beard unless it is well and truly shampooed out.

The right grooming products will make a big difference to him, and also to you.

Washing and conditioning with a specific beard shampoo and conditioner is a good idea. The brand Bulldog has a two-in-one beard shampoo and conditioner, and also an inexpensive beard oil.

Beard oil is important because it will help to keep his beard soft and supple. It will also condition his skin, so it doesn’t become dry and itchy.

This is important if he doesn’t want to develop the dreaded “beardruff”. A few drops of coconut or almond oil will do the trick, but if he wants to indulge himself there are many beautifully fragrant beard oils on the market.

He won’t need aftershave if he is wearing a beard serum from Acqua Di Parma or Tom Ford’s Neroli Portofino conditioning beard oil.

And only a few drops of Le Labo bergamot, lavender and violet beard oil will smell so good that you will want to make a nest and climb in.

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