Ask Audrey: 'I come out in a rash if I have less than seven girlfriends'

Posh Cork's agony aunt: sorting people out for ages

It’s all go on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Telling Everyone They Had To Cancel Their 25 Grand Ski Trip. Cliona_BackOnTheMarket is planning to lick anyone with coronavirus because she’s dying to lose two stone before her cousin’s wedding. Leoni_AmazingBoneStructure says she’d gladly swap her cocaine dealer for someone who could get her a box of limited edition Miu Miu face masks, money no object. As for me, I have two boxes of hand-sanitiser left over from when I was canvassing around Turners Cross for my cousin during the election. I don’t want to panic people, but if you don’t buy this off me for 25 euro a bottle, you’ll probably die and so will your family. Could you spread the word?

—Steff, Douglas Road