Ask Audrey: Never start a pyramid scheme in south Kerry, they’re actually not as thick as they look

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Hello old stock. The wife Marjorie was furious when I arrived home from the Christmas party. I said, but it’s 1am and I’m not even langers. She said, I know, but the party was last Tuesday week. Anyway, long story short, I’m spending Christmas alone in our under-the-tax-radar apartment in Jacob’s Island and didn’t I buy myself a robot cleaning lady to help out.

You can choose from a menu of options, so I went for “Coy Stunner With Blackrock Road Accent”. (I wouldn’t be able for a Norry.) Well would you believe it, but I’m after developing feelings for her and I’m thinking of bringing her to the RCYC bash for New Year’s Eve. Do you think people will talk? — Reggie, Blackrock, She’s anatomically correct.

I don’t think you’ll have a problem, the Posh Cousin imported a robot from Rio de Janeiro for Christmas. I saw her in Brown Thomas yesterday and shouted: ‘How are you things with your Brazilian?’ She said great, I can’t wait to show it my new robot. #Misunderstanding. (No one batted an eyelid.)