Sex file: Hard to have sex when you don’t feel sexy

Sex advice with Suzi Godson.

My husband has put on a lot of weight. I still fancy him, but he’s become much less keen on sex. We’re in our fifties and he says that it’s just age that’s slowed his libido down. He must feel less sexy, but I’m fed up that he won’t make any effort to save our sex life.

Although your husband blames his age for his lack of libido, his weight is more likely to be responsible. The issue may be metabolic — obesity has a negative impact on testosterone levels — but stigma and low self-esteem are equally likely to cause sexual difficulties. Body image is a subjective psychological phenomenon, in that people who are a perfectly normal weight can convince themselves that they are fat, but people who are obese experience much higher levels of body dissatisfaction. It is hard to have sex when you don’t feel sexy.