Ask Audrey: My cousin is a very wealthy GP, I could have married him if we lived in Westmeath

Hello old stock. Reggie Jnr came home yesterday morning with his Leaving Cert Results and without giving anything away about the hopeless thicko, I actually got more points on my Driving Licence. I did what any father would do in the circumstances and brought him down to the RCYC for a giant steak and seven gin and tonics.

It wasn’t long before he was in tears because of his results, or maybe the gin, but either way I said, ‘Chin up Reggie Jnr, UCC is just a dating agency for mountainy men from outside Clonmel’. You won’t be surprised to hear he’s a good looking boy, so I’m going to set him up with a Farmer’s Market Stall, selling gluten free cookies to hot housewives from the Douglas Road. Will he thrive, tell me? — Reggie, Blackrock.