Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for ages
I went out with a prop forward from Christians once called No Neck Nick. (It wasn’t his only shortage, says you.) I rang him there and said, No Neck Nick, why do Munster fans put up with travelling to total sh**hole towns for big matches. He said, because they’re still a step-up for the Limerick crowd. #Harsh.
I rang City Hall there and asked about your au pair rank. The guy said, I can’t think of anything more disgraceful in the city centre. I said, except for building a huge wall along the quays just in case we want to look at the river. #LoveTheLee
My niece did a Masters in Sexual Deviance, the hot lecturer had amazing punishments if any of her assignments were late. #Always. I told her your story and said why would anyone sound-proof their bedroom? She said, to dampen the sobbing because you’ve been forced to live on Blarney Street.
My brother-in-law is an estate agent, his company motto is ‘Lying to the People of Cork since 1987.’ He has it up over the door of his office and everything but people still go in. #HousingCrisis. I said, why do people want to live in Ballincollig. He said, it’s either that or an old folks’ home. I said, do you mean Bishopstown. He said, exactly.
My neighbour does a lot of charity work, she loves the opportunity to lecture poor people. I said do you know any organisation that would love a new figurehead? She said, try the FAI. #Current.