13 reasons why the Point Break remake will suck

Are you looking forward to the 'reboot' of 1991 classic Point Break? Neither are we…

An FBI agent goes undercover to catch a gang of bank robbers who may be surfers

So goes the premise to the greatest movie of the 1990s, if not of all time.

HERE'S A QUICK RECAP:

(Bellhorn25· via YouTube)

And if, like us, you were shaken to the core at the news that there is a 'Point Break' remake in the pipeline, you'll share our concern that the effort will tarnish the legacy of this milestone of modern cinema.

It's real - they have a director and everything (guy called Ericson Core, who was cinematographer on 'The Fast and the Furious').

To be honest, none of this matters. They could have Orson Welles come back from the dead to direct it, and it would still suck. Here's why:

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1. IT WON'T HAVE KEANU REEVES IN IT

2. IT WON'T HAVE GARY BUSEY IN IT

(Canceriansoul via YouTube)

3. OF DOCTOR COX, THERE WILL BE NONE

Ben Harp: You're a real blue flame special, aren't you, son? Young, dumb and full of come, I know. What I don't know is how you got assigned here. Guess we must just have ourselves an asshole shortage, huh?

Johnny Utah: [quietly] Not so far.

4. IT WON'T BE DIRECTED BY KATHRYN BIGELOW

The first woman to win an Academy Award for best director, also behind the camera for 'The Hurt Locker' and 'Zero Dark Thirty'.

"If there's specific resistance to women making movies, I just choose to ignore that as an obstacle for two reasons: I can't change my gender, and I refuse to stop making movies."

5. THE LEADING LADY WILL NOT BE THIS BAD-ASS

Lori Petty, we salute you and your non-pneumatic, spunky surfer self.

6. NOBODY WILL DROP-KICK A DOG

(BringontheGoodTimes via YouTube)

7. TOM SIZEMORE WON'T BE IN IT

(lamosd via YouTube)

8. ANTHONY KIEDIS WILL BE CONSPICUOUS BY HIS ABSENCE

You know Anthony Kiedis? From the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

He gets shot in the foot...

9. THERE WILL BE NOBODY CALLED WARCHILD. OR BUNKER.

Johnny Utah: Okay. I get it. This is where you tell me that "locals rule", and that Yuppie insects like me shouldn't be surfing the break, right?

Bunker Weiss: [smiling] Nope.

Surf gang: That would be a waste of time...

Lupton "Warchild" Pittman: We're just gonna fuck you up!

(hastatheragdoll via YouTube)

10. NOBODY WALKS AWAY

(eyetape via YouTube)

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11. THE BIG BANK ROBBERY WON'T BE THIS TENSE

(cannywf1 via YouTube)

12. THERE IS NO WAY THE ENDING CAN BE THIS EPIC

Johnny Utah: I've been to every city in Mexico. I came across an unclaimed piece of meat in Baja, turned out to be Rosie. I guessed he picked a knife fight with somebody better. Found one of your passports to Sumatra, I missed you by about a week at Fiji. But, I knew you wouldn't miss the fifty year storm, Bodhi.

(Logan McMillan via YouTube)

13. AND, OF COURSE, IT WON'T HAVE PATRICK SWAYZE IN IT

Bodhi: If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love.

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Would you 'remake' Micheangelo's Pieta?

WOULD YOU?