Judging by the way things are going in the White House, I think her best bet is to make it look like she went to Clown College.
This should be no problem for a woman from West Cork — just tell her dress like she’s going to a wedding. Honestly, you should have seen the Bantry woman at my nephew’s bash last year — she looked like she’d been attacked by a charity shop.
They’d be a nice match with your skin. I’d share the photo if I were you. A well-kept blonde driving a 100-grand sports car down the Blackrock Road just screams, “I caught my husband doing the dirt.” (Bear that in mind the next time you see one.)
Infidelity can be tough though. My poor Conor was devastated when he found out I was working my way through the staff of our local pizzeria. He said, it’s very hard. I said there is no point in talking dirty, I have to head out and meet Carlo, or is it Marco? That made him even sadder.
Sure, you’re probably on your third barrel of fake tan. (Do Norries drink it or what, like?) The posh crowd in Bishopstown look down on everyone, which is hilarious, when you consider most of them still have a grandaunt in Macroom with only one tooth.
I had a great time when I smuggled a bottle of gin into a wedding last weekend. My Conor said one more of them and you’ll be under the table.
I said two more and I’ll be under the best man. He laughed but I could see he didn’t find it funny.
I should mention Kinsale. They have a regatta there this weekend. It’s where posh locals peer through binoculars on their yachts and say, “Have the common types gone back to Ballyphehane yet, Gordon?”
Meanwhile, back on shore they have traditional Kinsale games like the Greasy Pole and Swap the Wife. During last year’s regatta, I told my cousin in Belgooly I was heading down to Kinsale to see the Greasy Pole.
She said you mean the guy in work from Warsaw who could do with washing his hair. I said yes because you could be there all day trying to explain things to her. (“No, Jenny, it’s a pole by the sea, covered in grease.” “I know Audrey. His name is Pawel.”)
He doesn’t mean it. He probably wanted to say you’re a toxic nob end, but was in too much of a rush to get away. SOZ!!