Sex advice with Suzi Godson: My husband says watching porn isn’t a big deal

My husband and I have been married for five years and we have kids. I’ve just discovered that he watches porn. I asked him about it, but he doesn’t think it’s a very big deal and thinks I’m overreacting. I don’t understand why he needs to do it, as we have a healthy sex life.

Men watch porn for many reasons, but mostly they do it because they can. Porn is a quick fix. It’s escapism - a way of dealing with boring office jobs, long working hours and domesticity. It’s not a particularly imaginative way of unburdening, but for many men it is a mental reboot. It’s also incredibly easy for them to think it’s not a big deal because it is so common.

It’s difficult to establish precise figures because it is a private practice, but Dr Lisa Dawn Hamilton, the assistant professor of psychology at Mount Allison University in Canada, suggests that more than 90% of men use porn. When a behaviour is that widespread, you can’t ignore it, and yet porn is a conversation that couples conscientiously avoid.